I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2007

21

Jun

I am – Jennifer Garner Paddle Surfing of the Day

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These are some pictures of Jennifer Garner doing something that I’ve never heard of before but I am not really well versed in celebrity beach activities. It’s called paddle surfing and it sounds as stupid as it looks, I don’t really understand why you’d want to be Tom Sawyering when you could be on a Yacht or canoe or if you wanted the rafting experience, you could hire some Native Hawaiian dude to do the paddling for you because you’re rich. But I think the bigger issues is why you need lessons in this “sport” because shit looks pretty fucking straight up. It’d be like taking lessons in floating in the pool on some blow up toy.

I don’t like this bitch, I never did. I don’t think she’s hot and I think Ben Affleck got stuck with her because bitch told him she was on the pill or some shit, forcing him to shotgun marry her and live this bullshit family life, because it was the responsible thing to do. You know waking up everyday telling himself that there’s new fresh pussy that wants his dick, while staring at her post pregnancy ass but realizing that he has to stick it out with this bitch, even though she only landed him by not being honest because it’s the right thing to do. I guess I could be wrong, but that’s the only way I’d end up with her and I’m pretty poor, desperate and a straight up disaster….

I like that this bitch is staying fit and wish that I had that kind of drive, but I am one of those guys that feels that watching girls work out or fuck around in bathing suit bottoms is exercise.

I woke up today feeling like I had raped myself up the ass with a liposuction vacuum set on blow not suck. I know feeling fat is supposed to be a chick thing but I got drunk last night snuck into a gas station at 4 am and stole a ton of shitty gas station food and ate it all. That may not sound like a big deal to some of you obese American readers who do that everynight, but I don’t want to turn into my wife and more importantly my sweat pants are starting to be a little snug, and not in a good way. In case you missed that joke, because it sucked, I was talking about my dick because getting hard in sweatpants is always offensive but welcomed when you haven’t been hard in what seems like years.

Either way, look at the fucking pictures and leave me alone. I am hung over or still drunk. I haven’t figured it out yet.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Jennifer Garner|Sport|Uncategorized|Unsorted

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