The ESPY awards happened last night. I can’t imagine anyone really giving a shit. I don’t know how much ESPN really matters, or more importantly, I don’t know how celebrating Athletes, who are already celebrated, really matters. I just know all the gold diggers, athlete fucking groupies, and possible athletes went out to the shit, I don’t know who 90 percent of the girls in attendance were, but here are the best tricks I found with my little to no actual research…

10 – Kim Johnson

9 – Draya Michele

8 – Hannah Cornett

7- Dara Torres is a Cripple Bitch

6 – Sydney Leroux

5- Erin Andrews – We Saw Your Staged Peeper Videos – To Advance Your Career – TRICK

4- Chrissy Teigen’s Career was Based on Gold Digging Brothers…Rappers or Athletes – Interchangeable..

3- Ali Fedotowsky….Dressed Like a Pumpkin…Brother’s Love Pumpkins…

2- Erin Andrews and Chrissy Teigen – Double Dose of TRICK

The Number 1 Trick at the ESPYS was Destinee Hooker – Because Her Name is So Appropriate

CLICK TO SEE PICS OF DANICA PATRICK AT THE ESPYS PRETENDING TO BE A RACECAR DRIVER

Click to see pics of JESSICA ALBA AT THE ESPYS PRETENDING TO BE INTO SPORTS

Click to see pics of CHRISSY TEIGEN BECAUSE SHE’S THE ENEMY AND YOU MUST ALWAYS KEEP TRACK OF THE ENEMY

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