I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2006

30

Mar

I am – Kelly Osborne the Ditch Pig

kellyosborneditchpig.jpg

A few years ago, I used to work in a Drug Store. I was the stock clerk. Meaning I was pretty much the underpaid bitch who helped old ladies bring their bags to their cars for a quarter, I also got to stock the shelves, and use the price gun, but only when they trusted me enough to…it was like some stock clerk hierarchy….and my boss took his useless job too fucking seriously. I understand, people need to feel important/proud of what they do, otherwise there is no point living. Truth is when you are a career stockclerk, there really is no point in living.

Point of my story is there was once a Turkish Muslim cab driver who came into the store and we started chatting about sex. He told me that when he was 16 he couldn’t fuck girls or jerk off cuz of his religion. So he would get together with his boys and fuck the shit out of one of their dogs. He was laughing because one of his friends got stuck in the dog when it was his turn. Fucking Kelly Osborne would probably the equivalent of this muslim tradition, only in the Kelly Osborne version they’d be fucking a pig, even though that’s against their religion. I don’t think fucking a dog or a pig is right, I am just telling you the fucking story he told me to bring the point home that Kelly is a fucking ditch-pig, and she should stand up proud, that slouching slag.

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