Jessica Simpson is one of those girls who you just want to fuck, even though you’d never have the chance. You know that her sexual repression over the years, because she had to be a good little christian girl for her dad, his dirty molesting ways and for his career as a music manager.

I know everyone talks about how he’s a molestor and shit, but that’s not what I care about, I care about the lessons he may have taught Jessica while molesting her. Like how to give a mean handjob and not rat you out to the authorities.

I also like the good little Jesus Bible thumping, closet-case slut element of this girl…you know she’s slept with a handful of guys, waited until she was 20 to start fucking, making her potentially pretty experimental…

So the combination of the bible thumbing good girl and her seedy molested past makes Jessica the “IT” girl of the day.

Bonus: Her Ass on an Escalator

Bonus Bonus: Making a Retarded Face

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