I don’t understand the Scarlett hype. Why are guys going crazy over this chubby piece of shit. It kind of reminds me of this time I went to the local strip club and had to watch some fat french piece of kitchen garbage in a leather skirt dance around to Marilyn Manson with her shitty drawn on eyebrows, fat black nail polished fingers and rock hard goth attitude. After her stage show, she came up to our table and started talking to us. I always feel awkward around these bitches cuz they just want my money and cuz they can’t speak my language, so I drop the usual bullshit like “so you come here often” and “how old are you” and “what do you recommend on the menu”, because they had a price list of the dances you can get….so she explains in broken english that we have options to “Touch” or to “Not Touch”, but if we go in more than one person we can’t touch and she recommends an erotic bed, 15 dollars a song plus 2 dollars per person. I start asking what kind of tricks she pulls on the erotic bed, because she is fat and as we all know fat girls aren’t so limber because their GUNTS get in the way. So she tells us she’ll finger herself, I tell her I’ll only pay if she inserts 4 fingers to the knuckle, she says she needs three songs to prep up, so we agree on 3 fingers in 2 songs. I go to the back room with my Lawyer and she drops her pants and bitch has the biggest pussy I’ve ever seen, I’m talkin she can smuggle chinese babies into the country if she needed to make an extra 100,000 dollars (I saw that on Oprah). My lawyer even asked her if she had kids because it looked like her uterus was sticking out. Anyway, after 2 songs she got the 4 fingers in (to the knuckle) and kept fingering her asshole and it was the best 20 dollars I have ever spent. Point of this post is to say Scarlett Johansson is that stripper, but the actor version.

Bonus:

Scarlett is a self-righteous bitch who feels like the Paparazzi are invading her privacy, because she is more important than all other celebs and shouldn’t be bothered with all the shit that comes with “Fame”, while living in her nice house, and driving her nice car and practicing tantric sex with her lame actor boyfriend…I like to consider the guy who posts the pics on the internet and writes about how she looks better than ever because she’s covering up her “becky from Roseanne” face more of a harasser, but I realize she’s only covering up because she doesn’t want to be seen with a black person. That racist cunt.

Cuddles.

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