This bitch is so done up in these pictures, it makes me think I am jerking off to a painting. I don’t actually jerk off because my penis won’t let me, but I can still pretend I am a man. A couple nights ago my whore of a wife threatened to leave me because she thinks I am a fucking bum. I had to explain to her that collecting disability checks for being too fat to walk out the apartment makes her a bum too, and while speaking of bums, I told her that I was tired of lookin’ at hers and thinking of household objects that would fit in it if I really put my mind to it, because let’s face it, fat people have big anuses (ani, anus’, I don’t fucking know how to spell this). The last household insertion that I came up with was a throw pillow from the couch. I could probably be more creative, if I didn’t hate my life so much. Cuddles.

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