I remember when Lohan was a girl I liked to stalk. It all started when I used to write Lohan news bits everyday in a time when stepfather was a site in self-discovery, like a teenage girl with her first vibrator or swimming pool jet. I gave up on the daily Lohan news because I really didn’t care about what she was up to as much as I did about making myself famous. Making myself famous would have been easier if I was a better stalker, one with a budget and access to a van and a plane ticket to Los Angeles who got caught and was on every entertainment show and magazine. Instead, I was stuck doing it on myspace with a messages and emails sent to people she’s worked with and with youtube by making shitty videos set to answering machine messages left to her. One of the stalker videos had over 100,000 views, but it still didn’t make me famous, because it just wasn’t good enough. I have come to terms with the fact that I am not a very good stalker, I have come to terms with the fact that I am not very funny, and today, I have come to terms with the fact that Lohan is a busted up pick-up truck that’s not worth my time, or your time, even when she lays her cunt on the line with upskirt pics, even in 2 years when the sex-tape is released. She’s a wasted celebrity and the spotlight has just been turned off, the curtains have closed and the police report thrown out. I can’t be bothered talking about some slag who has turned ugly as shit on me, it just doesn’t make sense to me, I like the girls I stalk on the Internet to be hot. So, this post is where I say goodbye to Lohan and say hello to all the new, fresh faced girls with talent, who haven’t ruined themselves with an alcoholic gene, cocaine and numerous unprotected cocks and who don’t stink of kitchen garbage and 3 day old used tampons even after showering themselves in dior perfume. Cuddles.

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