I was thinking of writing the DrunkenStepfather tv show, I’m not talking about putting cameras in my shitty apartment, I am talking about hiring Horatio Sanz to play me and the bitch from What’s Eating Gilbert Grape to play my wife, line up two unknown sluts with hot bodies to play my stepdaugthers and show me hanging with homeless men, getting wasted with young girls at hipster events, dealing with the impotency my fat wife caused in my life because after being with her the thought of pussy makes my penis play turtle…Everytime I think about fucking, that rotten cheese and tuna sandwich comes back to me. Someone told me you never forget a smell and I hope to hell that’s not ture…

Anyway, I realized that no one would tune into my show, provided I actually sold to a network and that I really don’t have a story to tell, my life is just as boring as yours, so the dream of the DrunkenStepfather show being the next Seinfeld may be a little fucking crazy, but the dream of Mischa Barton in a bikini have come true..

Unfortunately for you, she realizes that she’s got a shitty dumpster body and that taking off her shorts would be offensive to all of us. Her hips don’t lie, but if they could they would tell her ass that it’s full and plentiful and that the aren’t disproportionate and awkward as a team….Either way, her dogs will always love her because she feeds them, dogs are loyal like that. I’d like to thank her for her consideration….I learned on the Golden Globes that that’s industry so fuck her and fuck you too. That’s my new line of the night…you like it?

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