So the new Sports Illustrated his newstands today and Beyonce is rumored to be on the cover. I found this shit on a message board and don’t care either way whether it’s legit or not, I do know I’d rather see a swimsuit model instead of her dumpy ass.

I felt like I had to do something Romantic for my wife tonight and not having money makes it hard. What makes it even harder is that if I do something nice for my wife she will get horny and try to fuck me, and the thought of that scares me. She is the size of 2 grown men. I have also made myself unable to get hard so that I don’t have to bang her and it’s taken me 3 years to perfect. At first I used to think about the stains in her underwear, whenever I’d get turned on and then I’d watch porn over and over until anything sexy became ordinary so that nothing could get me off. I am so good at this impotency thing that I don’t remember my last hard on, so it’s better to not give my wife any ideas or get my parts working again because I will end up a rape victim.

I am not a full asshole though, I know she’s a romantic, or at least that she wants romance in her useless fat life and that doing something nice will get her off my back about getting a job, so I googled “Love Poems” and wrote one out and put it in her box of donuts. I don’t know what her reaction will be when she hits that box tomorrow morning, but I can only assume she’ll end up eating it and never knowing it happened. At least I tried….and the love poem was a better idea that the baked beans I was going to make her for dinner like we were brokeback mountain…..

This is a shitty post, you better feel the love, especially since you are my valentine, homo….

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