The beauty of Lohan is that when she was underage she had these massive tits that everyone said were fake. The her ass started to catch up with her tits and people started dissing her except for that mexican from 70’s show, he just wanted to be the first up in her, talked his way into her cunt and leaving her and her spoiled attitude all shattered because she realized he was lying when she found him fucking some sluts he picked up in a bar.

Either way she went nuts. That’s when all the partying, drinking and drugs started up. Bitch went from her hefty big breasted self to coke addicted anorexic lookin’ crackwhore. She lost the weight and tits people like me would make fun of her about and now she ended up in rehab at least 2 or 3 years later. In the past 2 weeks she’s gained a solid 15 lbs, replacing cocaine with donuts and now she’s going out partying….

The reason I am writing about her boring life is because she was broken by that Mexican dude and it’s always funny to find the source of a problem, especially when that source is Mexican. We seem to fuck up everything, stealing your jobs, costing your gov’t money and now ruining your celebrities by taking their cherries…This is all very relieving, like the time I didn’t shit for a solid month and ended up in the hospital in pain and I realized that it was because I had shoved a tennis ball in my ass one night when i was drunk….I was always the life of the party…a lot like Lohan, who for the record, I am still stalking and will keep stalking even if she ends up a 400 lbs cashier in Alabama, that’s what stalking is all about, you can’t just give it up like it’s a drug addiction. I am pretty mad about her whole rehab shit. I generally like my women drunk and damaged not trying to fix their troubled lives and sober….I expect Lohan back the way I like her in a few weeks….

If you want to see Last Night’s Party that Lohan was at… GO (via TCS)

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