I am - stepINTERVIEW with Rachel Style of the Day

2007

May

I am – stepINTERVIEW with Rachel Style of the Day

So I was on myspace, even though those fuckers banned and deleted my profile and came across some actress who was recently on that hit show Ugly Betty. Since I am an opportunist, I decided to message her asking for an interview and to my surprise, she pulled through. I sent her a few questions, she pretended she knew the site and got her personal assitant to answer the questions. Either way, I am pretty fucking grateful, I am used to being told to fuck off and this Rachel Style dreamboat went along with it and that makes her fucking amazing in my eyes, which isn’t saying much becaue I have no standards.

Either way, Here is the interview:

Do you think you’re Ugly?

Well Jesus, it’s like this…put me next to Petra Nemcova and I think we both know who would win the Ugly Contest. But put me next to Kathy Griffin and well…oh nevermind. How about the old saying “beauty is in the eyes of the beholder?”

What makes a person Ugly?

I think people who are mad at the world and walk around all pissed off tend to look ugly, even if they happen to be very physically attractive in a traditional way. Jealousy can make people look ugly, too. Like remember Faith Hill when Carrie Underwood won that Grammy instead of her? Yikes. Of course, excessive plastic surgery is another way of ruining ones looks.

Do you think there is a place in the world for Ugly People?

Of course! Haven’t you heard of it? It’s called New Jersey. 😉

Do you think Ugly people should have the right to be on TV?

I think with reality tv and all, everyone gets to be on tv these days. Sometimes the uglier the better. Maybe it’s because people like to route for the underdog. Or maybe it’s just that if you see a truly hideous person on tv, you feel better about yourself.

Do you think that hollywood’s version of ugly, is really like average in real life because I’ve seen ugly and I have slept with ugly and I don’t think my kind of ugly will ever be allowed on TV. I don’t even think my kind of ugly is allowed into some public places….so this whole Ugly Betty thing is bullshit and should be called Average Betty, right?

You know what..I have to agree with you on this one and say that most “Ugly” people on tv are in fact, not that ugly in real life. It’s weird, huh?

People seem to find the idea of someone ugly in a “beautiful people” type world amusing. I’m fat and ugly and impotent and my wife is obese and pretty fucking busted… How is that fucking funny?

Well maybe if they cast you in a reality show and then you got famous and made lots of money making product endorsements for various surgical procedures…then you might be laughing all the way to the bank.

You played the role of Betty’s best friend. Since we all know that girls who are best friends constantly make out with each other behind closed doors, did you feel Betty’s on the inside, if you know what I mean?

Well, I didn’t get to make out with Betty but I’m sure I would be a lot more well-known by now if I had. Like look at that girl who made out with whats-her-name on the OC…she works all the time now! Coincidence? I think not…

Playing the supporting actress to someone who has now become a big star must be a pain in the ass. Has America Ferrera turned into a big bitch of a diva, and forgotten all the little people?

Oh my God, not at all! In fact, she went out of her way to be really nice to me. Being the lead in a hit show is a lot of work and a tremendous amount of pressure and it was amazing to see how cool and down-to-earth she was. The total opposite of diva! She is my hero.

You have to admit having a show based on ugly people is a stupid idea…do you think it’s just to make people feel better about themselves so we can all laugh at overpaid people because they are playing ugly people and not feel guilty about it – right?

Hmmm..that’s a confusing question! But I think the show celebrates people’s beauty..inside and out and does poke fun at shallow people. But it does it in a light-hearted way.

You do know that the only way to have some staying power in this business is to show some skin, right?

Exactly. I’m hoping that Maxim magazine will finally offer me a cover after this interview comes out. You know there are some guys who think nerdy girls are really hot!

My wife thinks she looks good and sometimes dresses up in lingerie and shit. How can I tell her nicely that she just needs to accept that shes an ugly, dried up whore that I will never buy viagra to bang, like Betty seems to?

I think your life will probably be a lot less painful if you tell her how beautiful she is everyday.

They say that sleeping with producers is the only way to get ahead in this business. Can you tell our readers, in extensive detail, about your first lesbian experience with Salma Hayek, producer of Ugly Betty. How many times did you have to go down on her before she gave you the part? Was she pregnant at the time of this?

Very funny. Unfortunately, I never met Salma as part of the casting process.

I actually emailed Salma Hayek years ago offering to be her stud and father her first born child. Not long ago, she announced that some old rich dude had shot her up with his millionaire sperm. I’m thinking of contacting a lawyer and explaining that since it was my idea first, I may technically be entitled to the rights to that pregnancy, and possibly the child itself. I mean, I do have it in writing, you know? Do you think I have a case?

I can understand why you would be jealous of the father of her baby. Maybe you could offer to be the child’s manny! Britney seemed to really love her manny…at least for a while.

On that note, working with Salma Hayek must be an incredible experience. And by incredible, I mean you must feel really blessed that you get to stare at her rack all day long. They’re real right?

I bet you would like to hear about that but again, I didn’t get to meet or hang out with Salma when I worked on the show. That’s the real reason you interviewed me, isn’t it?

What do you have to say to your many, many fans reading on drunkenstepfather.com? What can we expect from you in the months to come?

Well, being so famous can be overwhelming…I can’t even leave my house some days because of the screaming legions of fans and scores of paparazzi camped outside all the time. But seriously, I would like to thank all 3 of your readers. They make it all worth it, you know? As for the future…well, I just had an audition to play a 300 pound girl on Entourage…I ate nothing but cheeseburgers all week to prepare for the audition. I think they liked me, so we’ll see!

Do you think pretty people can be ugly and ugly people can be pretty, I am thinking Paris Hilton is ugly, but people think she’s hot and someone like Angelina Jolie is hot, but adopts aids babies and that’s pretty ugly…any thoughts?

Yeah, I know what you mean. But Angelina’s baby doesn’t have AIDS and Paris is only Ugly when she’s standing next to Kathy Griffin.

Cheers! XOXO