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I am – Jessica Alba in the Cleaning Aisle of the Day

Jessica Alba

Julien and I got into an argument last night because he was supposed to email me a post yesterday and didn’t. If you have ever heard a gay dude and an 18 year old girl fight, its gets pretty catty. There was lots of open-palm-loose-wrist-slapping and name calling. When I told him that there are plenty of other homos out there who would gladly be our Token Gay Blogger, he was all waving his finger in front of my face, doing that thing with his neck that gay dudes do when they are mad. Then a Cher song came on the radio, which calmed him down immediately, because like all homos, he’s got a soft spot for old hag. He sent me this today explaining where he was.

I was MIA yesterday because I too fucking wasted, okay? I went out on Sunday night and had a few drinks and a few bumps which brought me to this afterparty where I did some GHB and spent the night desperately trying to get laid. I spent most of the night talking to this guy who really wasn’t that attractive but he had an Irish accent so I kept on going. Even ugly guys are hot when they have an accent. I know that this is a HUGE cliche but it’s fucking true. Even if you are wearing socks and sandals, if you’ve got an accent (a HOT accent btw), you are going to get laid. This makes me wonder if the reverse is true. I mean if I get my skinny ass to Ireland are all the hot guys going to flirt with me because they find my North American accent “charming� If this is true, I’m going on Expedia ASAP and getting my ass to Ireland charm the briefs of the locals

So anyway I spent the night talking to this semi-ugly guy and when he
left with a girl at around 5am I stayed at the party and got more fucked up. I got back to my place at around 11am and slept. I spent the day wearing pretty much what Jessica Alba is wearing in these photos. She probably got fucked up the night before too. Which leads me to a double standard. When Jessica Alba is hungover and puts on her nastys to go grocery shopping, she shows a little nipple poke and she’s sexy. When I do it, I look like a piece of faggot gutter trash.



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