Here are some pictures of Kimmy Stewart lookin’ better than usual at some premiere in the UK two days ago. I feel like Kimmy Stewart’s the kind of girl that guys are always two days late for because she’s not that hot and when they hear that she’s two days late they plot some kind of scheme to punch her in the stomach while she’s sleeping, the “I was having a nightmare” induced miscarriage.

The thing that always surprised me about her is that she’s probably slated to inherit a truckload of money when her dad dies. I know he’s got his own army of blonde kids running around the globe, with his own army of blonde ex wives he needs to payout and I am sure Kimmy’s not the favorite one, but she’s more set than you’ll ever be, and that’s enough reason for me to fall in love, because looks aren’t everything.

I was in a bar last night, in a group of people trying to get my drink and some asshole farted, literally. Everyone around me were looking to see where the fucking smell was coming from, and as soon as they saw me, they were gave me the look like I’m fucking disgusting, because I was the fattest and rattiest dude and although I usually smell, I actually showered yesterday and it wasn’t me, I am convinced it was this tight bodied blonde chick in a short dress but since she was hot everyone assumed it wasn’t her even though logically, her asshole was pretty much hanging out of her dress and there was less travel time for the fart to get out there…I fucking hate talking about fart and making fart jokes but it’s a story and it proves my point…I just wanted to clarify that I hate fart jokes….and was just telling a story to prove a point….

And the point of the story is that I felt like Kimberly Stewart at a family dinner, so I guess what it comes down to is that looks do matter. Sorry Kimberly but at least we’re in it together now buy me things. Cuddles.

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