I'll Make You Famous…




I am – Heidi Montag in a BIkini of the Day


I just spent 10 minutes trying to figure out if these bikini pics are old or not because I feel like they are, but decided fuck it, I am going to post them anyway, because bikinis brighten up our day and because I have no editorial standards. Speaking of bright days, I had a bowl of cereal today, and the milk was sour. That’s pretty much the kind of days I always have. I ate the shit anyway because I don’t have money to buy milk and it was the last of the cereal. It tasted like shit and probably will rape my insides, but that’s just what hard living is all about.

I can only assume that’s what Heidi Montag’s baby’s going to feel like as long as he’s breast feeding, because her tits look like they are going to pop and the silicone will probably make her milk sour and her baby retarded, not that he wouldn’t be retarded in the first place, but I am just saying….

I wonder how many boys teased her growing up about being flat chested. I wonder if they used to call her flat things, like Heidi Mont-Flat, because kids are mean like that and whatever they did they gave her a complex. Maybe one of her ex boyfriends would make her fuck with her shirt on and told her that when she takes it off it reminds him of fucking a dude and he can’t stomach that shit, or maybe he just would always talk about how hot her friends tits were.

The new tits she would rather die than not have are like a new lease on life. She’s like a whole new girl, and in these pictures she looks like a lame party slut, one who will let her friends and strangers see how awesome the new tits are, even if fake tits are never awesome, but she’ll never realize it because getting fake tits in the first place means you think fake tits are hotter than your little awkward uneven tits everyone used to laugh at…..

The point of this post is that new tits and hot body don’t take away from the fact that she needs a new face, it may take a little focus off her ugly, but she’s still ugly. I can’t get this sour milk taste out of my mouth so that’s where this post ends. Goodbyes are never easy….maybe we should just leave it at See You Later….it’s easier that way….

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Posted in:Bikini|Boobs|Heidi Montag|Implants|Tits|Unsorted