Heidi Montag has climbed out of rock bottom….a place where no one gives a fuck about her….and has managed to get the attention of one photographer or photo agency willing to notice her in a bikini and put out the pics of her like she still matters…a move that will in fact make her hit even deeper rock bottom when she realizes that no one fucking does….so the life lesson is if a reality star who sold her soul and identity to the devil falls off the radar after the show was cancelled and she lost her mind….hits the beach in the bikini for a paparazzi she hired cuz they don’t want to waste resources taking pics of her….does she make a fucking sound….I don’t have the answer..but whatever it is sounds like fucking drowning….next stop…porn!

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If you’re wondering what Heidi Montag has been up to …. and I know you haven’t been….because she barely exists in the grand scheme of things…but she’s trying…trying so fucking hard…just to get people to pay even just a little attention to her….even though her celebrity has run its course…but if you’re the one weirdo who cares…she’s been staging bikini pics for the paparazzi in hopes that sites write about her….and I’m a sucker for bikini pics…so here they are to start the miserable day.

Posted in:Heidi Montag

You know I’ve been feeling a little down and out lately…you know a little empty as a person…like a shell of a man…and not because I have no emotions or soul…but because I haven’t had a low level, bottom feeding, MTV star from 4 years ago….cry for attention in a staged bikini shoot that she paid the paparazzi to take of her for publicity….in far too fucking long….

Now don’t get me wrong, I hate the existence of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt as much as the next guy…but for a few years of running this site…there were daily annoying updates from them…that usually included her skinny, big fake titty body in a bikini….and when they fell off…I guess part of me fell off too….it’s just that I’m too old to bother learning about the new bottom feeders…that when bottom feeders form the past feel like home…

Maybe I am just getting nostalgic and shit…cuz American Thanksgiving is only 2 weeks away….or maybe I’m just happy to post a good old fashion staged bikini shoot from someone who fucking needs it more than anyone….

Today is a good day to be alive…except maybe for Heidi Montag….

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Heidi Montag is doing what she is meant to be doing…or at least dabbling with what she is meant to dabble in….as a bitch who bought herself G-Cup tits with a face of a ragged retired pornstar…there was really only one direction for her career to take…and that was to the pole…..

I figured there woulda been more college party hosting, and maybe other events that pay her to appear…but she fell off fast…

Now, Crazy Horse is paying her 25,000 dollars to appear, which is more than she deserves, I woulda expected her to get 50 bucks and the door….or some shit..but I guess she’s still high enough profile…but the only issue is she’s not getting naked….but she will…give it time…she’s not even 30 yet…but already rock bottom…so much to come like overdose and porn….and I’m pretty ready for it.

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If a useless cunt no one remembers has a 25th birthday, does it make a sound?

25 or not, bitch might as well be dead.

She doesn’t matter.

Here’s her botched plastic surgery.

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I guess it only makes sense that Heidi Montag would be hosting events at Vegas on a slow day, I mean where else is there to go when you’re a reality star everyone hates, cuz you pretty much represent all that is wrong with the fucking world….oh right Playboy….

I guess that’s why bitch co-hosted a pool party with Hef’s Crystal Harris bitch he recently fired, cuz either she wants to be the next in line as Hef’s fake wife, it’s one of the best jobs for fake tit, fake tan, fake hair whores in the world….way better than stripping locally…

I mean unless she’s just using this as a publicity stunt to get noticed…which would make sense, as all reality TV idiots are addicted to their 5 minutes and any chance to be talked about is good enough to them…

But I think it’s safe to say her next stop with her DDs is playboy….I mean that’s pretty much the look she’s got going and there’s pretty much no where else to go….I mean other than being irrelevant in Vegas….but that will end soon….and her getting naked will commence….and I’ll be watching unless of course I Ryan Dunn myself.

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This hit magazine stands yesterday, so I can only assume this has done the rounds of the internet, but I figured for those of you who can’t get enough plastic surgery scars on useless, insecure, bottom feeding bitches you probably won’t remember in 2 years, despite her efforts to be remembered, cuz she doesn’t realize just how bullshit she is, you’d appreciate seeing Heidi Montag whine about surgery she did to herself in efforts to be seen as something worth looking at…when she really just ended up looking like a fucking clown….

This is from Life & Style, if you want to jerk off on her, you’ll have to buy the magazine…..cuz there’s just something magical about old school sticking pages together….Internet has tried to ruin that…but I’m hoping you won’t let it….

Posted in:Heidi Montag