I was going to do this post about Lohan being hot for American Apparel last week because bitch is always in their leggings like she’s a Jewish Girl in a Jewish Girl Outfit of the day, or just like every other girl between the ages of 13 and 35 in Montreal. Then I saw these pictures from the other day of her rocking the shiny leggings all the cool kids are wearing while holding an American Apparel bag proving that Lohan dresses on a budget and you can dress like her too, or that she’s sponsored by the motherfuckers.

I was in an American Apparel the other day because I find it a good place to watch young girls try on tight things, which is one of my favorite ways to pass the time, and the woman standing next to me was Dov Charney’s mom. He’s the pervert who takes all the pictures you see in ads, billboards and on the site of young girls in provocative poses and has been hit with sexual harassment charges and has jerked off for reporters doing interviews with him as well as for girls who he got to clean his house in their underwear as a job intereview. He’s pretty much a hero to guys who like young sluts.

Either way, she was talking about how her son created the company and runs the company and how she’s so proud of him, then she started talking about her underwear which made me understand where dude gets his perversion from, because she looked 80 and 80 year olds talking about the shit closest to their vaginas is some perverted shit.

So I picked up a pair of boy short underwear and gave them to my neighbor’s teenage daughter for Christmas because I knew we’d be forced to go there for beer and potato chips. I gave her the gift and told her to try them on, then pulled out my camera and asked if she wanted to be like the girls in the ads and she started bending and lifting and twisting in ways she probably shouldn’t have been. When her mom walked in on us, she freaked out and called me a pervert and asked me to leave. I tried convincing her that I was just being hip and down with pop culture and this American Apparel phenomenon, but she wasn’t buying it and I can’t help but blame Lohan for making me do it, because everyday she’s shoving AA down my throat like I want to shove my cock down hers. Cuddles.

Bonus – Lohan’s Hot Friend

Posted in:American Apparel|Unsorted