The thing I like about Maria Menounos isn’t the fact that she is greek and takes it up the ass because I hear that that is a rumor and that greek girls don’t actually take it up the ass with any less convincing than non-greek girls. It’s just an urban myth that is fun to throw in “bro’s” faces at clubs when they are “poppin” bottles surrounded by hot chicks while hugging each other and you’re alone in the corner with your friend from elementary school who has always been there for you, sipping on your draft beer.

The other thing I like about Maria Menounos is that she’s driving an Audi A6 that is obviously a nicer car than I have, but the kid down the street’s skateboard is a nicer car than I have. But I do know that the Audi is just one step up from a Volkswagen and that’s not very ballin’ for someone on TV and that leads me to think that she’s pretty much the poor girl amongst her rich coworkers and is possibly the kind of girl who doesn’t need to get with other celebrities, but is satisfied with Doctors, Lawyers and rich business men and that may not lead us to her vagina, but I’m happily married so fuck that noise.

I think the real reason I am posting these pictures is not because of her hot ass in her business casual pants or her tits busting out of her bra under her tight white shirt or the fact that I can zoom into her credit card info so that I can go on an internet shopping spree on her tab, but it is the fact that she’s pumping her own gas like she doesn’t mind getting down and dirty and that is my new porn.

I spent all day saturday at the local self-serve watching all kinds of bitches struggle with their gas and washing their windshields and having the hardest time figuring out how to pay on the machine, while I sat there drinking my coffee and smoking cigars. I am pretty sure that’s the reason why I am sick, but it was worth it because now I have something to imagine myself jerking off to, since I am non-threatening and can’t get hard and it was free in a world where nothing comes free.

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