I can’t quite figure out what the fuck is going on with Christina Aguilera’s face but I feel like she’s stuck in a black and white movie from the 1950s. She looks like some kind of cheap trashy bitch who should be shaking her ass at a gogo dancing at a school dancing while chain smoking, or maybe wearing leather pants and driving around on motorcycle like some kind of rebel’s girlfriend or even serving me some apple pie at the roadside dinner when I am driving cross country in pink Cadilac convertible. She’s like a small town beautician who considers herself an artist with an easel filled with lipstick colors and a canvas that is her face….who goes door to door selling Avon..

I guess none of that matters and what does matter is that her hair and face is over the fucking top and her post pregnancy tits are busting out of her top because I guess titties get bigger when they are full of milk. The reality is that the only good thing about pregnancy is the breast milk, fuck the kid, it’s just a headache, the breast milk is like you never have to go to the store again because your chick is your very own dairy cow and her udders are twice the size they were when you met her like you won some kind of lottery because when you make your own food in your body it saves a lot of money. I used to dream about how amazing it would be to shit out a turkey dinner or even a burger or an extra large pizza like I was my very own self-sufficient canteen van outside the factory. Unfortunately every time I tried to do it, it just made a stinky shitty mess all over a paper plate.

BONUS – Christina Must have had the day off the kid because she also took her tits to vote…like a good citizen….

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