I can’t quite figure out what the fuck is going on with Christina Aguilera’s face but I feel like she’s stuck in a black and white movie from the 1950s. She looks like some kind of cheap trashy bitch who should be shaking her ass at a gogo dancing at a school dancing while chain smoking, or maybe wearing leather pants and driving around on motorcycle like some kind of rebel’s girlfriend or even serving me some apple pie at the roadside dinner when I am driving cross country in pink Cadilac convertible. She’s like a small town beautician who considers herself an artist with an easel filled with lipstick colors and a canvas that is her face….who goes door to door selling Avon..

I guess none of that matters and what does matter is that her hair and face is over the fucking top and her post pregnancy tits are busting out of her top because I guess titties get bigger when they are full of milk. The reality is that the only good thing about pregnancy is the breast milk, fuck the kid, it’s just a headache, the breast milk is like you never have to go to the store again because your chick is your very own dairy cow and her udders are twice the size they were when you met her like you won some kind of lottery because when you make your own food in your body it saves a lot of money. I used to dream about how amazing it would be to shit out a turkey dinner or even a burger or an extra large pizza like I was my very own self-sufficient canteen van outside the factory. Unfortunately every time I tried to do it, it just made a stinky shitty mess all over a paper plate.

BONUS – Christina Must have had the day off the kid because she also took her tits to vote…like a good citizen….

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You know what the world is missing? More fake blonde girls with retarded fake tits and cheap whore lookin’ outfits. I am sure none of you have seen bitches like this walking around your local mall, or working the local strip club. It’s like they are a race of their own and I don’t know where they come from, but I assume it’s from some wishing they didn’t come from the trailer park with an abusive father, lost their virginity at 11, became a stripper at 18, married a truck driver or drug dealer by 19, at 20 took their shot at porn in hopes to hit big and it backfired because they didn’t realize the dude who hired them was just some dude with his dad’s video camera , then worked their way back to the pole, and every year they got older, they’d upgrade their tits to take focus away from their aging, until some rich older dude realizes that he likes fucking bitches who look like this and that they won’t run away from him because they are too trashy for other rich people to take to dinner parties, so in a way he owns them, place.

This Coco bitch is living the dream and broke free from being forced to buy her shit in the discount bin at the local sex shop, but you can take the girl out of the trash you found her in, but you can’t take the trash out of the girl, because years of getting fucked by random men, filling the void, has left them damaged. Yeah, I know that made no sense, but what I am getting at is that, her brain is programmed to think cheap slut gear is hot and now that she’s won the Ice-T lottery she can’t turn down a 3 slut shirts and a pair of slut jeans with a lame pattern for $9.99 deal.

It’s like that time I met a homeless dude who won 500,000 dollars in the lottery and even though he rented an apartment and got furniture and shit, he still would sneak out at night and sleep on the street, because that was his home, like these stupid 1992 pants are Coco’s home.

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