I don’t understand why people actually give a fuck that Angelina and Brad Pitt had their stupid twins because I know that I don’t. The second bitch got knocked up the first time, all I saw was some annoying activist with a gaping vagina and that’s only hot when I am drunk and lonely.

I actually have a new hatred for mothers because they think they are so fucking important because they’ve decided to breed and devote their lives to their little spawns. I was at my coffee shop and found out about some local promotion where mothers get 10 percent off their purchases just for being mothers. When I asked why lonely, drunk, possible deadbeat dads and obvious creeps don’t get a discount, the dude just blew me off. That’s some serious discrimination because if spreading your legs and locking some poor asshole in for life so that you don’t have to work full time anymore in exchange for giving up anything that was remotely attractive about your body warrants a discount, so should poverty, irresponsibilty, obesity and alcoholism. Fuck you MommyDiscount and the way you dangle cheaper coffee in my face that I can’t get because I have a cock…a small cock…but still a cock.

Posted in:Angelina Jolie