A reader recently reached out and told me that they wanted some Matthew McConaughey news, I didn’t really know why but assumed it was because the reader was a poofter and into dudes and wanted some pics to get of to because he thought McConaughey had a rockin’ bod or some shit, so I told the motherfucker that I don’t want no faggots ’round here and tied him to the back of a pick-up truck like he was a black dude from the south and drove for 18 miles. I am just kidding, I only went 10 miles, but dude won’t be asking me for no faggot pictures anymore.

I know I should have taken the jock approach to gay bashing where you fuck the dude up the ass senseless hoping to fuck some sense into him because we all know that when you fuck a dude up the ass to teach him what being a faggot’s all about, it means you’re no faggot but just a teacher, despite how gay the act of fucking a man up the ass is.

Either way, I don’t know where I am going with this, but I am not actually a gay hater, I was just talking craziness, if anything I am an honorary gay because I write about celebrities, I don’t fuck my wife and I have great taste in colors and here is Matthew McConaughey wasted and having an amazing time in Central America doing what I do best without the obesity, anger, puke covered shirt or fingers inside an unsuspecting passed out whore.

All while leaving his pregnant maid back at home because you can’t give her preferential treatment just for letting you plant seed in her, the other maids will revolt and then no one would be there to cook dinner, clean the Air Stream or do the laundry….

Posted in:Drunk|Matthew McConaughey