I got free tickets to see Judd Apatow doing a stand up show for the Montreal Just For Laughs festival. It was the only show I went to because I try to keep stand up comedy to the bare fucking minimum. For the most part I don’t laugh and if I do, it’s usually to how bad the dude is and when I do, I’m always the only one laughing because it’s inbetween his jokes, but I figured since the exit strategy for this site is to make movies so that I can live the life of luxury and own a pool that I can float in a drink cocktails in, while hookers walk around me naked and don’t point at laugh at how my bikini bottoms make me look like a lady, so I thought seeing the new biggest thing in in comedy movies in live action would inspire, but it didn’t. I guess if I was a real hustler, I’d give him my card, or if I was a real hustler, I’d have cards, but I just assume dude already knows the site, because I’m just that important in Hollywood, so important that I took a piss next to the dumpster of a ghetto restaurant last night and shit smelled like home to me….
Either way, dude may be good at writing, or hiring writers to make mainstream comedy, but he fucking sucks on stage. He made a whole lot of dick, fart and jerking off jokes that weren’t funny, but in all fairness to Apatow, he is a Jew and that’s just what Jews and 15 year old boys find funny. He went on to talk about his 10 year olds breasts, his 5 year old making her pussy talk while asking to meet his dick, and that just made wasn’t funny to me because my wife makes her pussy talk everytime she’s horny and everytime I think about that shit I feel like less of a man. Not to mention, 5 year old genitals meeting their father’s genitals is not something I find funny, if anything it makes me want to call Child Protection to investigate the Apatow home. The only time it’s okay to make reference to a kids genitals, is when it’s an adjective to describe how tight a girl you just fucked is to your friends, or to describe how well endowed I am not.
Then he introduced the socially awkward asian girl from Knocked Up and she was still socially awkward and not funny, but had an guitar sang stupid autistic songs that people liked, but just made me remember laughing at this retarded kid who went to my school. I bullied him for about a year because he was the only person less popular that me because walked with a limp and looked like a science experiment and couldn’t formulate a sentence and I just assumed he didn’t know what was going on and even if he did he couldn’t tell on me, until one day I realized that he was just bangng his head against the wall and drooling all over the lunch table as a cry for attention and I wasn’t going to feed into his little retard scheme.
Then a dude in his briefs came out with an Asian who played the doctor in Knocked Up and started some stupid rap shit that I knew was going to suck because the second anyone gets on stage in briefs you know they are trying to get a cheap laugh and distract you from the serious lack of substance.
Then Seth Rogan came on and started talking about farting and jerking off, probably something he came up with while working with Apatow on all his movies that made them rich. I can only assume their research for a script takes place at a slumber party of 15 year old boys, or Jew summer camp, because that’s pretty much the level comedy the were droppin’. Leading me to believe that Hollywood is about nepotism and who you know, and what seems like well put together talent and well structured comedy is all a fuckin’ scam and the people behind the shit are the con artists who trick us into thinking they are good, with their fancy cars and because we see them on scrreen. There was no talent in the fucking room, just a bunch of assholes on stage for a bunch of bigger assholes who thought the assholes on stage were important.
Luckily this British dude from Saving Sarah Silverman saved Judd Apatow’s comedy show with some obscure grammatically correct intelligent jokes about the Queen, homeless men being scabby good luck charms because you give them money for karma points and sex. British people always pull through with their jokes and my advice to Apatow is to use that guy as much as he fucking can, because maybe he’ll help save a career that should soon be ending if this was a glimpse into what’s to come.
The highlight of the night was almost when a couple of fat girls were getting their pictures taken with Seth in the back of the venue and I yelled out to him to touch tongues with them and he kinda just shuddered in disgust, but then I found the festival wrap party that I somehow managed to walk into, I’m guessing they thought anyone who looked like me had to be a comedian, because I look that much like a joke, and shit was open bar. I kept drinking until about 5 am, double fisting the entire time, talking shit to random people, pissing people off and making a black friend with a camera for about a minute before my hot 18 year old chaperone told me it was time to go.
I am hungover, my review didn’t give how bad it was justice, I feel like I’d hate on it more passionately if I wasn’t shaking in withdrawal.
Here are my links….
LA Girls Confirm Once Again That I Hate Montreal
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Khloe Karsahian Went to Jail And Is Expected to Fuck Many Men Up The Ass….
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Step Brothers Sneak Peak
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Sandy Moelling Panty Upskirt In Concert
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Some Hot Milf Tits
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Salma Hayek’s Big Tits Are Free
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Spoon Prank is Good Times
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Guess the Celebrity Side Boob
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Maria Sharapova’s Cameltoe Collection
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10 Batman Movie Topless Scenes
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Lohan the Popsicle Lookin’ Lesbian is Cunt and I Hate Her.
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Self Keg Stand Goes Wrong
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Some Little Breakdancer is Crazy
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Spend Your Weekend Doing Something Worthwhile
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Mariah Carey’s Crazy Cleavage in a See Through Dress With Her Personal Assistant
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I Can’t Even Aim My Pee in the Toilet, So How They Are Doing This is Beyond Me
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And Now, The Coolest Name For a Child EVER!
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Pictures from a Naked Wedding…
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Best Hotels to Have an Affair in When Your So Rich It’s Not Called Having an Affair, It’s Called The Wallet Fucking Wife Isn’t Doing It For Me That the Prenup is So Solid She Won’t Get a Cent and Never Leave Me So I Do What I Want….
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Crazy Kid Rides the Tope of a School Bus
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15 People Crammed into a Smart Car
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Drunken Slap Fight Ends In Knockout
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Evening Dress Strippers
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Veronika De Souza Naughty Captain
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The Best Porn to Keep You Busy Over the Weekend
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And Now, Some Big Ol’ Tits…
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La Pequeña As The Subway Stripper!
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Find Girls To Fuck, Because Dying a Virgin is Pretty Lame Dude
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Bobby Conn is Amazing and The American Idols Don’t Got Shit On Him
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Hilarious T-Shirts to Get Arrested In
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Liv Tyler Picking Her Vagina
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Mischa Barton Looks Kind of Alright At The Hugo Boss Fashion Show
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Gavin Rossdale’s Bastard Daughter is Totally Bangable
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Ashley Simpson Will Most Likely Ruin Her Vagina on Halloween
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If JLO is Gonna Compete in a Triatholon, Then I am Sober and My Penis is Fully Functioning
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Awesome Amateur Shots
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Use This to Get Sex and Cut Down Those Pesky Carple Tunnel Hospital Bills
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Ebony Beauty Deserea Malone
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Two Girls Holding Hands Get Run Over
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Jello Pussy is Probably Your Thing, Perv
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Sexy on the Streets
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Jodie Marsh and Her Huge Tits at the OK! Magazine Party
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Marketa Pechova and Zuzana Drabinova are Foreign and Hot
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Angelique Boyer = Boners
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Celebrity Boob Showdown: Chesty At ESPYs Edition
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Kelly Brook takes her boobs for a walk
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Things Are Looking Up
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Bicycle Ballerina is Pretty Awesome
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Google Mapes Catches Cheating Girlfriend
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Playboy Babe – Crystal Stevens
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Who Knew There Was So Much Happening in the Denny’s Bathroom
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Outwit The Carnies When the Carnival Comes Through Town
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ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS
Some Girl Spreading Her Pussy….
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Some Black Chick – Shitting On Dem Haters….
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