I never heard of Wizard magazine but I have a feeling that having a subscription to the shit is pretty much a passport to an underground realm in the kingdom of loser that assures you and everyone you know that you will never reproduce biologically, because you will remain a virgin, despite marrying your computer and an RPG character and all efforts you’ve made to redefine the word virginity in the Dictionary by writing strongly worded letters to the president of Myriam Webster about how you are technically not a virgin because you’ve had cybersex with a webcam girl you paid once and the whole thing was embarrassing because you prematurely ejaculated because you were so shy, and that will keep your socially awkward genetic lineage in your pants and not in the pants of a poor unsuspecting girl who you wish would think you’re a good enough guy even though you’re totally not the usual guy she goes after, you know you’re more complex, with your medieval swords in the basement and your own language you invented on weekend for you and your online friend in Istanbul to communicate in chat rooms without other people knowing what you’re saying…..but she doesn’t know you exist, because no one knows you exist and the people who do know you exist, pretend you didn’t exist because watching you is depressing…

Either way, Scarlett Johansson got involved and brought her tits to the magazine and I am sure there was a massive orgasm in basement apartments around the world the second they finished cutting out the picture of her in geek costume and stapling it to their pillow, the previously housed pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and some Hentai bitch with huge tits….

Posted in:cleavage|Scarlett Johansson