I knew a guy who knew a guy who would go to gas stations to get off. He’d park his car near the pumps and whenever a girl would get out to pump her gas, he’d jerk off. I know this actually happened because my friend was passed out in the backseat one night after a lot of hard drinking and woke up to the dude going at himself saying things like “Pump that gas you little whore” and “you like getting your hands dirty don’t you little slut” and “you like doing immigrant blue collar work don’t you”….and “daddy stop putting your fingers in me, I’m trying to watch the nice lady pump her own gas” with some real repressed memories because apparently he grew up in a small town and his dad was the gas man…and he worked the pumps growing up…and was molested by his gas man dad….making the whole thing a really fucking weird way to start the day….but here’s Alba pumping her own gas anyway…

And here is a recent pic of her nipples, for those of us who can’t really get off to a girl pumping gas cuz it is creepy and not as easy as it is for the weird friend of a friend with a Gas station background and a molesting father… cuz everyone likes nipples….except maybe that crazy homeless guy I met who was scared shitless of nipples.. he thought they were aliens coming to eat his soul…but he’s a rare case, and for the most part…nipples are a good thing…

Posted in:Jessica Alba