What’s Japan? Oh, that boring place that’s dominating our news, and making us miss such critical stories. Good thing I am here with the real news….Global natural disasters that kill tens of thousands of people haven’t got shit on these useless stories….I guess I’m just doing my part to keep America focused….I don’t think Japan appreciates this joke….

Man has 82 Julia Roberts tattoos

Student Says He was Cuffed to Cabinet
A former Grady High student claims in a new lawsuit that he was handcuffed to a filing cabinet at the school for about seven hours.

Student Hospitalized after Paddling
A 14-year old Mississippi high school student was rushed to LeBonheur Children’s Hospital for surgery Friday after he blacked out following a school paddling Thursday.

Video Catches Felon Punching Elderly Man
A Rosemont man who police say is a convicted felon was caught on camera shoving and punching an elderly man as he waited to use a restroom at a Northwest Side grocery last month.

Shocking Hit-and-Run Caught on Tape
Dallas police are still looking for the driver who struck a woman as she was crossing the street in a busy entertainment district. But this time they have shocking surveillance video that will help them prosecute their case.

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