Lindsay Lohan may be boring….She may be on the verge of death…she may be getting Billy Joel lyrics about being at her prime…cuz she knows that in a couple weeks she’ll be far less prime comparitively as they’re cremating her…long after her career’s been left in the basement to rot….

I have met Lohan, I hung out with her in her hotel once, she played me her album, she danced around the room in heels and pajama pants, she cried, she laughed, she was like a fucking roller coaster of amazing….

I drank her booze, I stayed til 6 am, I hugged her goodbye, we talked about her problems, I encouraged her to marry me….and there’s one thing I know about her first hand and that is that she has the single fucking best tits around…and what better way to celebrate any day than by staring at them….

Dead to me and the rest of the world or not, I will always have a soft spot in my heart and a hard spot in my pants for this amazing creature we call lohan…she is a genius and I’m convinced one day she will get that academy award she deserves…

Now if only she answered my emails, texts, phone calls, and twitter messages…but she hates me. Oh well.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan