Jennette McCurdy is my internet girlfriend…I try to sext her on twitter sometimes…she always ignores me…but I think she’s just playing hard to get…and I like her thinking she’s in the driver’s seat…cuz the driver’s seat is usually my favorite place to make love….at least with street hookers…because I can’t afford a hotel room and my wife frowns upon me bringing them home with me….

She’s a country pop star…she’s on Nickelodeon tv shows….she’s a recipe for disaster at the tender age of 20….you know one of those falling off hard when people forget she exists…but for now she’s lovely and posing in her bikini for the internet…which I think makes her perfect….or at least on the right track…

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