Apparently Alyssa Miller has sex with Jake Gyllenhaal, which I find hard to believe since Jake Gyllenhaal is gay.

Not only have I seen Brokeback Mountain, but I have also been accosted by Jake Gyllenhaal in person, and it was less of a “action star trained in martial arts” and more of a ballet dancer, and not a Russian trying got escape communism ballet dancer, but a spoiled brat ballet dancer from Beverly Hills who didn’t get enough foam in his cappuccino ballet dancer…a little limp wristed enough for me to think he may even have AIDS from all his self destructive bareback parties he keeps on the down low…but that would imply they fuck…and they probably don’t…you see she’s just a groupie bitch getting ahead in life and he’s a wrung on her groupie ladder…only in her case, her groupie behavior comes with being a hot model I’d fuck had she not been tainted by the Gyllenhaal.

That’s all I gotta say about that.

Posted in:Alyssa Miller