The bad thing about being in Miami is knowing that Lindsay Lohan is here, in her bikini, because I love Lindsay Lohan and all she has to offer the world…

But the other thing about Lindsay Lohan, in her bikini, barely showing off that bod as she’s suffocating her tits, with some dude I guess she’s fucking, let’s call him number 1478, because when it comes to Lohan’s vagina, shit is like a factory turnstile, just counting to see how many people have rolled through….I want to be 1479.

The last and most important bad thing about Lohan in her bikini, is not the smell, but rather seeing her on her phone, intentionally ignoring me, hiding from me, acting too cool for me and hurting my feelings…because all it would take is two minutes of her time to set up a little cuddle session for old times…

Lohan, we are in the same city, I feel your presence…the connected at the soul force is too much and it’s glorious…no wait..that’s just my hangover dripping down my leg…

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Posted in:Lindsay Lohan