Jessica Alba is 400 years old, and I guess into showing off the fossilization process of a totally irrelevant sex symbol, who decided to run off and make babies for her own ego, to trap her man, who she was obviously a crazy, instead of doing the right thing…like getting naked in movies…

So here she is in some Entertainment Weekly shit her expensive publicist set up, because maintaining celebrity is important to the success of her internet business/scam she’s running…

She’s in a bikini, photoshopped to shit, looking like a cheap Sears Catalog, but you’re going to masturbate to it, because you are the kind of person stuck in 1998, who can’t move on, because those were the glory years when you still had hope…now you just have to embrace your middle aged irrelevance…

And what it comes down to, is photoshopped or not, she’s still better than any mom of two you’ve had sex with…including but not limited to your wife, provided anyone has ever let you have sex with them…

Posted in:Jessica Alba