Alana Blanchard is some surf chick from the 1990s, who I guess used to get noticed because her best friend was eaten by a shark, and when you’re the bikini next to the one-armed Jesus freak, the spotlight catches a bit of you and people say “who’s the chick with two arms, she’d be way better at giving double handjobs than one arm, plus she won’t always talk about having one arm, and the story, and the fear, in the most annoying way you know one-arm does”….and instead she’ll probably talk about how she’s using a handicapped girl for her personal gain…which is awesome…HANDICAPPED USERS HAVE NO SOULS….

Apparently they get half naked for photoshoots in lingerie, on some low level Glamour model shoot, with their Fiance or boyfriend or husband, giving it the cheesy Sears portrait, even low grade “I’m pregnant in love’ tackiness people do…

But there’s something about the winter that fucking sucks and I call it the freezing cold, being snowed in, hibernating with my shitty fat wife who has been stocking up on food for the last decade to make her fatter than a pile of shit to insulate her in our damp basement apartment…

A wife that I should shoot a romantic glamour shoot like this with…because it’d be hysterical…where this is just fucking weird.

Nice fake tits though, better surf ass…these are from 6 months ago…

Posted in:Alana Blanchard|SFW