I tell my wife she’s the dad / husband of the family – cuz she’s the one with all the dick….in her face….as I rub my dick on her face….even though it remains limp cuz I am not turned on by her…the benefit of marriage is the ability to rub your dick in the face of you partner without permission…go to the internet, #metoo, cry about it…we’re still married and you can’t escape this terrifying micro cock that likely smells like sour fish…..

In other news, are people still talking about abortion like killing babies is a bad thing…if I hear…two hearts, two souls, two humans again….I’m going to have to become an activist for pro life outlining how fetus, until born, is a fucking parasite trying to ruin my finances for the next 18 years.

Speaking of finances, I have a credit card with a 1,000 dollar limit, high roller shit…to someone like me who has never had a credit card…

I tried to use it to buy beer, and it got declined…I looked at the report and some dude in florida used it to go to three night clubs, but 630 dollars of shows, and basically spent 1000 dollars OVER my 1,000 dollar limit…I was like “My bank likes the criminal more than me”…they shut me down for trying to go 10 dollars over….when it’s the last fucking 10 dollars I got…yet this fucker is out in his new shoes at the club…on my dime….in Florida…he does me better than I do!! I just suck at life from every fucking angle…

Here are some morning links…you morning mormon moron.

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