Tight Pants are Romance…and I fucking love Romance…even though Romance is dead and everything has become graphic, instant gratification clickbait nonsense, why give a build up, a story, build the characters, make us care, make us feel any emotion when they can just throw us the throat fucking…

But tight pants…they are my version of romance, mainly because I have a romantic relationship with every single pair of tight pants that I see….you know, first I playfully exchange glances with the tight pants, once our eyes lock, I gingerly lick my lips, love songs blasting inside my head, knowing that it’s no one else can hear the songs, I do my best rendition, hoping the tight pants hear and know that I am the kind of guy who will bring them breakfast in bed after we spend our first night together….only to throw them to the curb a few hours later because there are so many fucking tight pants out there I can’t just commit to one, it would be a crime against romance to be monogamous with the tight pants…because I’ve got enough romance to give all the tight pants out there and there’s a lot of tight pants out there.

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