I don’t think she’s related to Dakota Johnson….who I guess is now Dakota Johnson because she married the singer of Coldplay who she’s creepily been dating for many years….but they do have the same first name and that’s gotta mean something….I just don’t know what…other than that Dakota makes for a pretty solid porn name, I guess we know what Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson were thinking back in the coke fuelled 80s when they named her….

Check out this body, it’s like way too much estrogen bouncy castle of womanhood who probably really likes baked goods and I don’t know if that’s hot…but I like baked goods and tits that are big enough to ignore the rest of the fatness….you just focus in on them and the rest blurs itself out like those memories from childhood of being abused by your teacher who selected you because they knew you were poor and had no one at home sober enough to cry to or to believe you….

Image Credit – Instagram

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