Phony actress Lauren Conrad brought her boyfriend out to the beach and shit changed my fucking life. Actually it didn’t. It just reminded me that someone so much more useless than pretty much anyone I know can be so much more successful and well-received by the general public, despite being average at best in looks and substance, but I guess that’s just the world we’re livin’ in, at least it’s going to end in 2012, at least that’s what I read, and that means I only have a couple more years before seeing all these fuckers die, because as you know, I will survive the apocalypse, because I’m a cockroach, I just don’t have much of a cock.

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