I pretend to be in love with Ryan Seacrest on Twitter. I know you hate hearing about Twitter, well stop reading this fucking post then, because it’s really the only interaction I have with a motherfucker, other than when I jerk off to him on American Idol, or when listening to his radio show while sitting in traffic on the way to the fucking office, or some shit.

He wrote that he had a last minute two day trip in Paris, and I guess this unkown vagina is the reason why. Sure, I always thought Seacrest was gay and his whole “Seacrest Out” shit was his way of prepping to come out, like everytime he said it, the words “of the closet” were struggling to come out, but his professionalism just got the best of him.

Anyway, I profess my love to him, he never answers, it’s been ongoing, to the point where his producers and I are slowly building up a relationship and yesterday’s message to him was some of my best work in 130 characters or less.

do you love me too? Say yes.Knife is to wrist.Ready to end it all.Seek your approval.1st Twitter suicide.Some paula fan shit

He never answered. Cocksucker.

Either way, here he is with his emergency Paris meeting…who is probably his hairstylist, or best friend he talks about boys with, however, there is a chance he’s fucking her.

Posted in:Paris|Pussy|Ryan Seacrest