Here is the news that isn’t the news to keep you up to date on totally ridiculous, even irrelevant shit going on in the world…that maybe you can use as a conversation piece to break the awkwardness when you spend your allowance on an escort cuz you’re tired of not getting laid…See, I’m here to help and I make you a better person…

Caught on Tape: Drunken Miguel Cabrera
Police were summoned to a Fort Pierce restaurant before Detroit Tigers star Miguel Cabrera’s DUI arrest last month because the first baseman allegedly threatened a manager and an off-duty fish and wildlife officer.

Man falls into tracks at North Station in Boston
BOSTON – A person who was unsteady on his feet tumbled onto the southbound Orange Line tracks at around 3 p.m today at North Station. Passengers rushed to his aid.

Alligator Used to Guard Pot Stash
California narcotics investigators raiding a home’s $1.5 million marijuana growing operation found an alligator guarding the stash.

Player ejected for tackling Borat impersonator

Fan sues after getting hit with hot dog
KANSAS CITY, M.O. – A baseball fan is suing the Kansas City Royals after getting hit in the eye with a hot dog.

Man sees Jesus, Mary on side of oven – LIAR!!!
PLAINVILLE – Look closely at this picture. To some, what you’re seeing is a pizza-making miracle. Josh Mather, of Mansfield, couldn’t believe his eyes.

Caught on Tape: Crook can’t get mask on
A would-be robber may want to practice with his disguise. A South Carolina convenience store caught this attempted robbery on camera.

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