The highlight of my career as a blogger is probably representative of how bad my career as a blogger has actually been, but the highlight is still when I snuck into some party in Toronto after some event I managed to get VIP bracelets for back in 2009.

I had some baby daddy to some celebrity I had randomly met give me these gold VIP bracelets to the open bar VIP area…where I drank my fucking face off, held hands with Fergie and who the fuck knows what else happened….I lost my camera in a taxi to the after party, where Lady Gaga was just launching her career and was wearing some leotard outfit. She was with Perez Hilton, basically sucking his gay fat dick for publicity, because he was relevant…..and I moseyed on over, stood next to their security, stuck my hand through the people and fondled Lady Gaga’s ass…pretty fucking hard…and she didn’t react, I didn’t get caught, I didn’t get kicked out…but Perez Hilton had a fist fight with Will.I.Am….

So even then, I thought Gaga was a monster….but the ass was alright…and will forever be my Weinstein moment of sexual assault that I’d get arrested for today…but in 2009 was all good…

I didn’t get a boner or any sexual satisfaction but while drunk I just wanted to see how firm it was…and it was firm…

10.5 years later…her ass still exists…it still does nothing for me…but it reminds me of a better time…of grabbing celebrity ass. It happened once. It was enough to call myself a Celebrity ass grabber.

This is Gaga milking her ass or some bullshit cuz she’s bullshit….for attention…like she’s been doing for over a decade now.

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