Toni Braxton is alive…and practicing one of her earlier rolls as a stripper…a stripper they want you to think was discovered when she was singing to herself as she was “Pumping Gas”…which I am guessing is code for rubbing her asshole on a dude’s leg for 10 dollars a song…but that’s just because it’s more fun than thinking about Toni Braxton pumping gas, especially when it is in reference to her dress melting away in the least erotic fucking way possible where she awkwardly dances with a dude in her leotard, hoping no one will notice, but I guess someone noticed, since it ended up on TMZ…which was convenient since before her dress fell off no one remembered Toni Braxton ever was…

I call this…unbreak her dress…she looks better that way….

Here’s the video

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