You may not know who Tatum O’Neal is because she’s been pretty much off the map the last 20 years, but if you’re interested she was the youngest person to win an Academy Award a long time ago and claimed that when she was a child star, her famous father, Ryan O’Neal introduced her to cocaine to keep her skinny and give her the energy to work when she was 11 or some crazy shit. She was also married to John McEnroe who beat the fuck out of her according to her while she hid her major cocaine habit that all started when she was a kid and that you can’t really blame her for considering I became addicted to jerking off when I was about 10 and still haven’t managed to kick the habit, I kinda turn to it everytime I get sad like I did when I was too young to cope with the problems life threw at me and went at my dick for that moment of bliss that feels, just for a split second, like all of the world’s problems just don’t exist.

Either way, she got busted for buying crack yesterday while Yves Saint Laurent and Bo Didley were dying, and claimed shit was to research a role, which is a pretty great excuse that I tried using the time I got caught hiring a prostitute, when they didn’t believe me I just said that it was a joke and that we were staging a candid camera type gag on the cops and luckily they bought it. They didn’t buy her story though, so she then claimed that she was clean for a long time and that the cops just saved her from relapsing and thanked them and hoped to get on with her day, but they still arrested her despite her appreciation for a job well done on their part which is weird considering when you have a thankless career, you tend to get won over when someone acknowledges your hard work and you would normally let them go on with their day as you smile because it’s days like this that make you feel good about what you do and it reminds you of the the reason you got into this shit in the first place.

Posted in:Crack|Tatum O'Neal