Ali Lohan may look like she’s 40, but last I heard she’s 15 and I can only assume that she’s been put onto some kind of hormone therapy by her mother to start the gravy train as soon as possible, because it’s never too soon to slut out and get dudes jerking off to you because shit sells records and makes your mom money before you turn 18 and can cut her out of the mix like you were the kid on Home Alone who fucked Michael Jackson.
It’s always exciting when a teenage girl decides to bring her tits out to play, it’s like she knows they are ready to be seen and it’s the kind of right of passage I like better than seeing kids graduate high school, or Jews get Bar Mitzvahed, or African men being publicly circumsized into manhood in front of their tribe. I remember when my stepdaughter starded developing tits, at first she was shy and insecure about that shit and would always cover up but only a few months later she was walking around topless or in her bra begging her mom to get a hot tub so that we could have hot tub parties and so that she could show off her tight hot young body….actually I think I was the one begging my wife for the hot tub, but none of that matters, what does matter is that seeing a girl become a woman is a creepy yet beautiful thing.
On a side note someone promoting Ali Lohan accidentally emailed me about her new single and I decided to ask for an interview, I wrote
you should get me an interview – i’ll be good to her – we’ll do wholesome things, with a creepy overtone, like playing in the park, going for ice cream and inviting her back to my van to see my kittens….
it will be amazing
I never got a response because it’s hard to catch a break when you are me….
