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Jessica Alba for Campari of the Day

As an alcoholic, I’ve made it a point to try as many types of booze as possible. You know, if I was working landscaping or doing construction on houses I’d always manage to find the liquor cabinet to sneak a swig or two to get me through the day while pretending I was lost lookin’ for the bathroom. Drinking on the job never got me fired, but being caught stealing booze has, and I think it’s been worth it.

From what I remember, Campari is some rich person grapefruit drink, that you’d need to either have a vag or treat you ass like it was a vag to really appreciate and in my time drinking, I have never heard anyone order the shit, but then again, I only go out in places that only sell vodka, rum, whiskey and beer, but I like to assume that with the economic crisis, people have cut back on these fruity drinks, and are spending their hard earned borrowed money on drinks that actually kill the pain. At least that would explain why they got Alba to be the spokesperson for the shit, because we all know she’s desperate for work and exposure since her baby making fiasco, and I am sure they got her on a fucking discount.

I guess it’s nice to see her getting work, you know since she’s pretty much ruined herself and I was convinced this pregnancy was going to be the end of her, not that doing a photoshoot for some alcohol company is really getting work as an actor, not that she’s an actor, because she is more of a whore milking out a name she created for herself by having tits than a true artist who values her craft and protects the name she’s created for herself. As long as you’ve got you checkbook out, she’ll be there, probably because she’s only got a small window of opportunity, and you might as well take what you get, at least that’s what I told myself when I married my disgusting wife, I figure, who needs dignity, when you can have free rent.

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