I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

Archive for the Unsorted Category

2006

19

Oct

I am – MUNG’s Art Commentary of the Day

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MUNG is pretty lame and if this is what he considers art, I know exactly what kind of guy he is….I’m talkin eyebrow piercing, high school drop out who listens to shitty rock music with his gelled hair and shirt tucked into his Docker’s in between periods of the hockey game on the couch with his fat high school sweetheart, who he knocked up at 19, right before getting a canada flag tattooed on his shoulder but after giving up on all his dreams and accepting his life as a suburbian piece of middle management shit. He sent this in about a week ago and I decided to post it today. I actually have a softspot for MUNG.

I really don’t know what to think about this one. It kinda sucks, sorta like the idea of posting art on this shitty website and getting you uncultured fucking losers to comment on it. This artwork is so fucking awesome that it makes me want to stab babies with pitchforks and fuck the pitchfork when I am done with it. I am thinking that it symbolizes anti-abortion and some fucking pro-life loser painted it. The devilgirl symbolizes the actual method of abortion while the pitchfork symbolizes the coathanger…and the dead baby, well it symbolizes a dead baby. Either that or I am looking way too deeply into things and it’s just a really cool picture of a devilgirl humping a pitchfork with a dead baby on the end of it.

Art rules, now go fuck off.

MUNG

I am talking to a 15 year old girl in starbucks and she reads my site – she wanted to write something in this post. So this is what she had to say. Nude Pics To Follow…in 3 years.

Can I come to your apartment so that you can help me with my blog?

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

18

Oct

I am – Draw Your Vagina and Describe It in 10 Words or Less

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I have no idea who this bitch is, but I can only assume she’s from one of those annoying states where people have the American flag on their car, on their porch and shoved up their cunts. Point of the story is I don’t hate you because you are American. I just won’t take you out for dinner or a movie. I’ve heard that American chicks have the highest rate of herpes infection in the world. I’m talking more bitches in the USA have scabby cunt than in a place like Thailand, Brazil and the continent of Africa. So you may be rockin’ your Valtrex and maybe you haven’t had an outbreak since 4-6 weeks after the night you lost your virginity to that dude you met in the bar in college and maybe you haven’t slept with another dude since that one night stand but you’re still damaged goods. Dirtbag.

Posted in:stepBOX|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

16

Oct

I am – Carolina Ferre's Nipple of the Day

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I have no idea who this bitch is and lucky for you I don’t have time to google it, because I am headed to a funeral. I know all you fuckers like to rip into me about how I am lazy and useless and all that shit, but as much of an asshole as I am, I wouldn’t make an excuse up like this. I just don’t like joking about death, I am more into sex jokes and the sexual harassment of girls on myspace

I have been getting drunk the last 3 nights and nothing really eventful has come from it. I already told you the english professor story and I barely remember the funny parts of the night. On Saturday I got drunk at some shitty restaurant with a couple of friends, dizzy and beat up from the night before, I had to go home early. but before going home my friend dragged me to some gay bar so that he could mack on a barmaid there who he’s wanted for about a year but hasn’t got yet. I had to make fun of her, and possibly fuck up his game, but only because I have a reputation to live up to. I am an asshole like that.

This has officially been the worst post in a long time, but under the circumstances, you should be happy I’ve bothered posting anything.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com


Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

16

Oct

I am – Carolina Ferre’s Nipple of the Day

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I have no idea who this bitch is and lucky for you I don’t have time to google it, because I am headed to a funeral. I know all you fuckers like to rip into me about how I am lazy and useless and all that shit, but as much of an asshole as I am, I wouldn’t make an excuse up like this. I just don’t like joking about death, I am more into sex jokes and the sexual harassment of girls on myspace

I have been getting drunk the last 3 nights and nothing really eventful has come from it. I already told you the english professor story and I barely remember the funny parts of the night. On Saturday I got drunk at some shitty restaurant with a couple of friends, dizzy and beat up from the night before, I had to go home early. but before going home my friend dragged me to some gay bar so that he could mack on a barmaid there who he’s wanted for about a year but hasn’t got yet. I had to make fun of her, and possibly fuck up his game, but only because I have a reputation to live up to. I am an asshole like that.

This has officially been the worst post in a long time, but under the circumstances, you should be happy I’ve bothered posting anything.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com


Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

16

Oct

I am – Corinne Cobson's Bra of the Day

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I feel like punishing all you bastards who decided to give me a lesson in comedy in my Nicole Richie text message post.

Like the guy who told me how I am not funny because I corrected her spelling and how that’s a lame joke. Well, there is one thing you have to understand and that is that people who dis people based on spelling suck. It’s not a good joke, it’s a cop out of a joke and anyone who reads this site knows that I am far more creative than that.

Reality is that my site is filled with typos and I understand that they happen. I am an uneducated mexican, I am surprised I can even type at all. But the joke is the Nicole Richie is a rich girl, with more money that I’d know what to do with, with all the opportunity to be the smartest and most educated little thing in the world and bitch never took the time to learn how to spell lose. She was always too busy smoking heroin.

So all this is to say that I dissed the fact that she couldn’t spell lose or loser because as she rolls around in her Benz, I know that 95% of you fuckers are smarter than her and that is a scary fucking thing. So yeah, maybe the Richie post wasn’t the best I could have done, but she has changed her number since Sunday, and bad dis or not, that means I won. Cuddles.

Speaking of winning, this bitch’s name is Corinne Cobson and she’s some kind of designer/make-up artist/ something from France. No one gives a fuck about her cuz she’s washed up and gross, but in a bra and bras always make me smile. Unlike you, Asshole.


Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

16

Oct

I am – Corinne Cobson’s Bra of the Day

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I feel like punishing all you bastards who decided to give me a lesson in comedy in my Nicole Richie text message post.

Like the guy who told me how I am not funny because I corrected her spelling and how that’s a lame joke. Well, there is one thing you have to understand and that is that people who dis people based on spelling suck. It’s not a good joke, it’s a cop out of a joke and anyone who reads this site knows that I am far more creative than that.

Reality is that my site is filled with typos and I understand that they happen. I am an uneducated mexican, I am surprised I can even type at all. But the joke is the Nicole Richie is a rich girl, with more money that I’d know what to do with, with all the opportunity to be the smartest and most educated little thing in the world and bitch never took the time to learn how to spell lose. She was always too busy smoking heroin.

So all this is to say that I dissed the fact that she couldn’t spell lose or loser because as she rolls around in her Benz, I know that 95% of you fuckers are smarter than her and that is a scary fucking thing. So yeah, maybe the Richie post wasn’t the best I could have done, but she has changed her number since Sunday, and bad dis or not, that means I won. Cuddles.

Speaking of winning, this bitch’s name is Corinne Cobson and she’s some kind of designer/make-up artist/ something from France. No one gives a fuck about her cuz she’s washed up and gross, but in a bra and bras always make me smile. Unlike you, Asshole.


Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

14

Oct

I am – stepLINKS for the Weekend of the Day

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I went out last night dressed like an english professor. I was in a cardigan and tuxedo shirt and the english professor was my bit for the night. I don’t remember the night at all. I do remember making fun of a Mexican/Hatian girl for being dirtier than a Mexican because she threw a lil’ nig into the mix. I remember laughing at a Russian girl about being a mail-order bride. I remember running up to a girl who I was told was a stripper and continually told her how I had already seen her box. I don’t really know if much else happened, but I was the motherfucking English professor and I had a good time doing it. Speaking of goodtimes, here are a bunch of random links I’ve found the last couple of days. They suck, but then again so do you, so you’re like a match made in heaven. I als drunken dialed Paris Hilton and had a fight with whoever answered. They kept saying that they were the Beverly Hills Police Department and that they were sending the case to the FBI. I kept asking her what she was wearing. Part of me knows getting arrested will launch my career…So I’ll keep it up. Cuddles….


Lohan Shows Off Some Bra
GO

Lohan Shows Off some Cocker Hair
GO

Shakira Shows Off some Tight Pants
GO

Steve Irwin Death Pics
GO

Topless DJ: Niki Belucci
GO

Carmen Electra’s Got Some Weird Titty Bump
GO GO

Brooke Hogan FHM Photoshoot Video
GO

Helena Christensen Nude Spread
GO

Felicity Fey and a Friend in the Bathroom For Zini
GO

Top 10 Deleted Scenes of All Time
GO

Aria and ripped stockings
GO

Allison Angel in the Dessert is Pretty Amazing
GO

Purrfect Eva is Naked and Redhead
GO

Carmen Electra Photoshoot
GO

Scarrlet is that Fat Slag from Esquire Mag
GO

Trumps Latest Real Estate Project
GO

Vagina Art of the Day
GO

Fergie on the Tonight Show Gifs
GO

Holly Valance in a Bikini and Such…
GO

Defamer Did a Post on Me….
GO

Last Night’s Party Picture of the Day
GO

Photobucket Tattoo of the Day
GO

Possibly 2 of my Readers…
GO

Classy Looking Girl
GO

Photbucket Bra
GO

Nice Shoulders
GO

How Old Are These Tits?
GO

Teenagers….
GO

Nice Shorts No Peen
GO

Bath Time?
GO

Grass Pubes
GO

Hey You…
GO

Hot Oil Wrestling Pics With Tit
GO

More Oil Wrestling Pics With New Girls and Less Tit
GO

Some Guys Ex Girlfriend from 40 Years Ago Hot
GO

Stripper Pole Photoshoot
GO

Boy Shorts
GO

New Wicked Weasel Contributor Pics
GO

Nicky Hilton Is Boring on Letterman…
GO

Whores Making Out…
GO

Do you like Naked Girls?
GO

Hayden Panettiere at an Event
GO

New Hipster Pics
GO

Carla Gugino in Lingerie
GO

Dress Up Mel Gibson…
GO

Lohan and Salma Making Out
GO

Solid Link Site….
GO

Buy Pheromone Spray Cuz It Pays For My Server and Gets You Laid
GO

Hottest T-Shirt I’ve Ever Seen
GO

A Not So Hot Photobucket Girl in her Panties…
GO

Interesting picture….
GO

Swim Team Means Dirty….
GO

Girl With a Hollywood Tattoo in Her Bra
GO

Girl Getting Humped
GO

Fatty Photoshoot
GO

Hot Post Op…
GO

Photobucket Negro Porn…
GO

Cooter Punch…
GO

Trying On A Thong
GO

Interesting Pose….
GO

Weird Music Video from 1984
GO

Girl on the Toilet…
GO

Girl in her Underwear…
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart….
GO

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

13

Oct

I am – Text Messaging Famous Trash From the Road of the Day

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I was away from the computer for the last 2 days and being on the computer is pretty much all that I do, so not being on the computer kinda fucked with my head. I didn’t know what to do with myself so I decided to text message Nicole Richie, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton because a little lesbian birdie emailed me their contact info a few months ago.

This is what I wrote:

I just watched Jessica Simpson’s pro activ ad. She is such a useless slag. She reads at the grade 4 level and that kinda turns me on. Is Grade 4 when daddy pulled her out of school to suck his mic and by mic I mean penis. Brenda, being unemployed makes me realize I love you.

There was no response so I decided to step up my game.

Brenda, I forgot to tell you that I had a chance to see my doctor about the growth on my penis. Turns out it is only a genital wart. Actually, it’s about 12 warts bundled together. They will be gone by the time I come visit. Hope you’ve been doing your kegals.

Still no response, so I messaged Stavros.

Give me your email. I want to interview you via email. Thanks.

His response:

Who is this.

And I wrote….

This is Perez, Just 5 questions via email.

And then Nicole RIchie’s came in…

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WTF are you talking about? This is not Brenda and loose the number u looser.

And I wrote

Brenda, we’ve gone through this so many times. Why do you always pretend to be someone else. It is annoying. Good job spelling loser wrong. Genius way to trick me. Speaking of trick, remember that halloween you dressed like Geordie Laforge? Loose this Number Looser. 🙂

She Wrote….

Get a Life Dear

I wrote….

A loved one is on her death bed. I am waiting for my bus home. Texting you is my life right now. My computer hates me. You telling me to get a life is tired, you can do better than that. I can only assume that you are mad about the genital warts. It’s not like I gave them to you. Stop pickin’ a fight and smile. Asshole.

and then…

PS – I am wearing the mexcellent ironic tee you gave me for my bday last year and it is all I dreamt it would be…

She wrote…

If u are this obsessed with me you should join my fanclub. By the way your number will be blocked from reaching this number by the end of today

and…

You’ve officially ruined it for yourself

So I wrote…

Ruined what? What is your fan club? I guess we aren’t going on our red lobster date.

Then I wrote…

I guess since you are blocking me, I will need to get in as much text as possible. I am not obsessed with anything except maybe not eating. I feel like I don’t even know you anymore.

Then I wrote…

Why do you have a fan club and how do I sign up? Do I get a pair of your panties (dirty)? If so, I am down with brown and by brown I mean your dad. I just called to say I love you and shit…

Then I wrote…

Our date is off. Fatty.

Last message sent was:

I am not scared of you or your threats, I am scared of your anorexic and sharp elbows. But they are not as sharp as the heroin needle your mom used to spike into her arm after getting knocked up by shitty drummers after sneaking backstage at concerts back in ’80. Cuddles you fucking cunt.

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PS – I know I am fucking amazing. Cuddles.

Posted in:stepSTALKER|Unsorted

2006

13

Oct

I am – MUNG Does Vegas of the Day

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I have never been to Vegas and I have never cum in my pants out of excitement. I was thinking this morning while lying in bed hungover after a night of self-medicating at the strip club, that life would be better if you came your pants everytime you got excited, scared, sad, etc. I’m talking any emotion you bust nut. Think about it, you get in a car accident, you bust nut…the cops pull you over, you bust nut, you have a presentation to make in school or to your boss, you bust nut…you get in a fight at the bar, you bust nut. It would make everything really funny…something I wish MUNG was.

I went to Vegas when I was 17 because my parents paid for it and thought I needed an eye-opening, life-changing, experience. Most parents send them to summer camp but mine thought it would be a good idea to send me to Vegas with my buddy and his gambling addicted, alcoholic mother. Like most 17 year old boys, it was not a problem to easily achieve a rock hard boner from a Golden Girls rerun and now I was put in the middle of the city of pure sleaze. I was in my element. The lights, the sounds, and the hookers! It was my first experience ever seeing a prostitute and I instantly fell in love.

There she was! A figment of every 17-year-old-boy’s fantasy. She was wearing black whore stilettos, a tiny black mini skirt, and a sports bra. She was walking funny like she had just had her assnole reamed by a pool cue and she had bloody trackmarks up and down her right arm. Her hair was a mess because she just woke up at 2:00PM from her all night coke binge, and her it had traces of semen in it. Her jewlery was aboslutely gorgeous and it looked like it had been recently bought at the local dollar store. What a thing of beauty! Her mascara was running, her lipstick was fire-engine red and smeared, and she smelled like a mixture of tuna and pine-sol which was probably just rotten pussy and gin. I instantly came in my pants and will never forget that beautiful hooker I crossed paths with that day.

Completely and enirley unrelated to this story, here are some pics of Brittany Murphy.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

13

Oct

I am – MUNG has an Idea of the Day

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MUNG’s idea is like having a virtual visit to the art gallery, he is trying to add a little class to this piece of shit site, that for the record is way cooler than your piece of shit site. This is what he had to say….

Here is a picture that is awesome. I typed “mung” under google image search and this picture came up. It looks to me like a man smashing a pregnant woman in the stomach with a bat and the man on the end is getting the aborted fetus sprayed all over his face. At least thats what I see. Maybe we could make it a new segment on the webpage. You post a crazy pic like this on the site, and then we have the readers comment on what they think the artist is trying to say.

Just an idea you lazy fuck.

MUNG

If doing commentary on art isn’t gay enough, throw in art of men beating pregnant women to further explore MUNG’s deep hatred for women and desire for the cock. Unable to understand the erections he gets while watching the brokeback moutain sex scene over and over and over again he decides to write in this kind of shit. I post it – cuz let’s face it… I just got back and I am not feeling very creative today.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted