I hate Dane Cook. I don’t find him funny and I used to be offended that this fucker was famous and making money for being such a fucking asshole and not the good kind of asshole that makes you laugh, but the kind of asshole you just want to punch in the face.
In this clip he’s banging some topless chick with his shirt on. We all know that he’s not actually banging her but the ending is pretty good because I just keep thinking about how I wish that actually happened to this cocksucker on one of his college tours. He’s the kind of guy who looks like he’s never been beaten up and the best way to make an asshole shut up is to get your big scary gay friend to rape him. Nothing ruins a man’s with a stupid sense of humor’s jokes than violating him.
I used to know this one dude who was always an asshole who would get drunk with us. He was a rich kid who thought he was invincible. We couldn’t ever calm him down, he’d just spit on people, throw his drink on people, dance with people’s girlfriends and seriously stir up shit when he shouldn’t have. We were constantly backin’ him up when people would turn on him and he never got more than a push and always walked away the bigger man. We all would talk about how he needed to get beat up because would be the best thing for him to learn there are some people you shouldn’t fuck with.
He ended up getting arrested for some stupid shit he did while drunk that involved taking a baseball bat to parked cars in the parking garage of his building that was under video camera surveillance and spent some time in some maximum security prison because it was considered a serious offense and because he had a shitty lawyer. I assume that they took his trust fund ass virginity when he was inside for those 6 months because when dude came out he never started drunken shit, he was always nice to be around and always bowed down to people bigger than him, when in the past he woulda got in there face. When I’d look into his eye, I knew that something broke him on the inside and that something was some biker’s dick who was in for murder.
So here’s the Dane Cook video that I like to believe is a real situation because this fucker needs to be put inline.