Nelly Furtado is a story many Portuguese men can probably relate to.

There was a time when the high fish diet didn’t make those little custard pies those Portuguese eat seem like they could leave a dent in the bitch….but then 30 hits and every bite of their delicious Portuguese bread, sip of their wine, taste of their chicken leaves a damaging and painful mark….

It’s like French Canadian women when they turn 25 and look 65 after the hard years of stripping, smoking and sucking the cock…only more European, despite being the asshole of Europe.

Nelly as she likes to be called, decided to write a fucking novel celebrating her obesity like these other woke, liberal freakish people who don’t understand the concept of diet and exercise…

She’s rich, why not eat all the good foods…..

So thinking she’ll get the support of the other fatties of the internet, she’s postured herself as being brave, which in a lot of ways she is brave, but not quite as brave as the bikini trying to hold itself together….the real hero.

I am a firm believer in bikinis being a weight class and age class discriminator.

I don’t think the fact they exist means you should use them….but I am also a fat shaming asshole who expects more effort out of public figures….and I don’t mean when trying to bend over and slip that shit up over her giant gunt…all out of breath and flushed because of the obesity…..I mean effort in not being obese. Lazy fucks…

Posted in:Nelly Furtado

Nelly Furtado is the Portuguese Canadian bitch who polluted the lives of Canadians for a relatively short period of time, during her highly successful music career, at least in terms of Canadian content….she was a big deal, but in being a big deal, we had to listen to her shit on repeat thanks to radio laws forcing them to play canadian content since we are basically a communist country…

So there’s a deep hatred for Nelly Furtado, some trauma from being raped ocularly by Nelly Furtado, which I guess isn’t really her fault, it’d be like if someone raped you with an ejaculating dildo filled with another person’s sperm, where in this case the dildo is the radio and the other person’s sperm is Nelly Furtado and the RAPIST is the government’s control on what we have access to.

That said, she’s in her 40s now, she’s a mom, but she’s got Euro roots, which means she’s totally comfortable in these slutty, shameless times, to slip into a thong bikini that shows off her massive Portuguese 40 year old mom ass, all filled up on Nandos and fucking custard tarts…keeping her well fed for the months she’ll spend at sea operating the family’s fishing boat….you know, Portuguese shit…

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Nelly Furtado is pretty famous on the international level, she’s sold 40 million records or more worldwide, but I don’t really know how famous she ever got in the USA, since I am Canadian based, and the communist rulers in Canada have some Canadian content laws that force all media companies to push a certain amount of Canadian content on us, so when they find their star, like a Nelly Furtado, it’s incessant….THE GIRL GONNA BE HOT HOT HOT…TURN OUT THE LIGHT…TURN OUT THE LIGHT…..FOLLOW ME FOLLOW ME YAYAYAY TURN OUT THE LIGHT…

I have never listened to Nelly Furtado, this is strictly based on her programming me with her lyrics through the government pushing her music on me, so it a lot of ways Nelly Furtado has psychologically RAPED me…

SHE is my ABUSER

SHE is my RAPIST….

I guess she is making a comeback, because she’s showing her 44 year old bra tits through her dress for a photoshoot….which is probably a little better to RAPE us with than her stupid fucking songs…but a little old and rich for this, isn’t she.

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Posted in:Nelly Furtado

Here’s some Canada content for all you Canadians out there who grew up masturabting to the now 44 year old Nelly Furtado.

She’s of Azores heritage, which means she probably is a pretty good fisherman genetically, thanks to genetic memory….her Island people needed to survive and Fishing was their natural resource in the middle of the Atlantic….

Anyway, if you were in Canada in the 90s, before you had internet porn and social media to distract you, you likely jerked off to music videos, and her shit was on repeat in these parts, because the socialist government trying to preserve their heritage instead of it being eaten up by American content, forces the media to promote a specific amount of Canadian produced songs, shows, etc….it’s the LAW.

Unfortunately, at the time, there wasn’t very much good Canadian content so Nelly got to be the go-to, meaning we had to listen to her shit OVER AND OVER again.

I don’t remember EVER thinking she was hot, it was like “when is the Spice Girl’s video going to be on”…even CHER’s lingerie on the Aircraft Carrier was hotter….and you knew you were being gross when jerking off to that, but it was a simpler time.

So seeing her 25 years later showing some cleavage…is not life changing or hot, BUT it happened, and we support Canada’s own….because if we don’t, no one else will.

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Posted in:Nelly Furtado