Ok, so this fleshlight is out of hand. It is turning the world into a sad and lonely place. Guys who couldn’t get laid, or find it a pain in the ass to try and find bitches to fuck are buying this thing. No instead of going out to hook up, there are sitting at home, chatting on the internet and fucking their rubber pussy. It’s the lazy man’s sex replacement and the losers hand replacement. Overall, I think the fleshlight is contributing to the fall of society….just wait and see….I know I am right.
Today’s post of the day is about a guy (who lives with his mom, big surprise) and his first experience with his Fleshlight.
This is a long one, so I put it after the jump
It arrived today! Unfortunately, I was still sleeping when it got to my house, so my mom is the one who accepted the package and set it by my bedroom door. This was a good test for the anonymous packaging, and it totally fooled her. When I got up, I opened my door and was like, “holy shit! OMG!” There was that little brown box containing the most pleasureable product known to man. I quickly checked to see if anyone was home, and I realized my mom had left the house! BONUS! Now I was free to check out the FL without having to be completely sneaky.
Upon opening the box I saw the container and the super tight pink lady insert I had ordered. I am average size, so I decided to go with the super tight. Also, I heard that it offers the most realistic experience on top of being one of the best inserts you can order. The insert was sealed in a plastic bag. I quickly tore that open and gave it a feel. At first, it felt soft… more gel like than skin. I was happy and kind of disappointed at the same time. It didnt feel “real” right out of the box. However, I didnt care. I quickly filled the bathroom sink with warm water and let the bitch soak for about 5 mins while I ditched the box in the outside garbage. I sprinted back in from outside (it’s cold here!), and took the insert out of the sink and dried it with a towel. It was quite warm.
Anxiously I put the insert in the case and put my finger in it. It felt about the right temp, but still didnt feel “real”. I got naked and began to pump my cock a bit to get it hard. With all that anxious excitement, it took me longer than I would have liked, but I eventually got it nice and hard. This is where things took a turn for the better in terms of the realistic feeling of the product. I squeezed some of that I.D. Glide sample they gave me on the pussy lips and used my finger to rub some in the canal. That is when the thing came to life. UNBELIEVEABLE. It felt completely real. I was BLOWN away. I put some lube on my prick and slid that baby down on my cock. I almost blew it right then and there. God it felt good. Too good. I can not believe how realistic it feels.
Before I had a chance to finish, my mom comes home. This pissed me off something horrid. She starts calling out my name to see if I am home. I dont respond because I am pissed that she is interrupting my session. To top it off, she comes DOWNSTAIRS and starts knocking on my bedroom door. Luckily, I am in the bathroom and had time to hide the FL under the sink and get my damn pants back on. I yell out that I am in the jon. The she asks, “so what did you get?” I replied, “some dvds.” I was worried she somehow knew about this product and was trying to catch me in a lie. She quickly said, “oh alright,” and backed off. To make it WORSE, upon exiting the bathroom, I saw she was now just down the hall on the computer in plain sight. I couldnt even bring the damn thing to my bedroom until she went upstairs. I didnt want to go back to the bathroom.. kind of suspicious. So I wait and wait and wait for her to finish some retarded e-mail and head upstairs.
Finally she leaves, I grab the FL (luckily still warm and well lubed). Already preped, I slide her back over my cock, sit in the chair, and pump it. Took me maybe 3 mins to explode in the most satisfying orgasm in a LONG time. It just kept going and going… now one little spurt like with your hand… oh no…
Dispite my bittersweet first time with it (not ILF’s fault), I am completely satisfied. For $60, I feel I am ripping THEM off. This thing is easily worth way more than that. Absolutely unbelieveable.
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So it’s a slow day in celebrity nipples and I feel the need to deliver the goods. I came across this girl named Sarah Harding, a member of the UK pop group Girls Aloud. They are the next generation Spice Girls, but a lot more slutty. We are down with slutty and we are down with the Spice Girls. I remember winning a set of tickets to their 1998 show, the stepdaughters were so fucking excited. We had great seats, I could see up Geri’s skirt, but then again, who hasn’t.
Here are some fun links to keep you happy. If would like to send me a link, email me at:
Who the fuck is Willa Ford? She is the girl who took Nick Carter’s virginity, and despite popular belief proved to the world that he wasn’t a full-blown homo and that he occassionally dabbled in the pussy as well as getting 