I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2005

12

Jan

I am – magic moments with minx

so this morning i wake up and it is still dark out-
no surprise, i have not slept since i swallowed 5 pills of x, hoovered my own 8 ball and didnt let any of my stepfather’s sperm drip out of my mouth (approx 2 swallows) new years eve. finally last night i got into a fight with one of the old ladies up the street-she kept accusing me of stealing her sunglasses, and i kept sucking my teeth because i am always ready to fight for my right, bitches. after i sort her out and leave her on the curb with her teeth in my pocket and a snippet of her left ear lobe around my neck (trademark doctor 2oo3) i pass out on the pavement. one of the servants must have found me and brought me back, because when i woke up i was in lingerie. this afternoon i met up with my old babysitter, rodriquez martinez. roy and i go way back to when i was 6 and my mother would only be home to pass out underneath some oil tycoon for as long as it would take him to cum and give her his life’s savings. because of this she hired roy to feed us krispy kreme and absolut with cheerios for breakfast, lunch and dinner. roy was great. everyday was a holiday with him and being his favorite (i was the only girl who was developped at the time) he spent the majority of his time with 8 of my brothers, my 4 sisters and me teaching us how to suppress our gag reflexes by putting his fists down our throats or slapping his nude thighs while he laughed as we danced around him and had pillow fights in our bathing suits. my favorite memory of roy though, is on my 12th birthday, after my bat mitzvah ceremony, roy met me outside the housegates when it was dark out and stuck his tongue in my ear, lifted me over his shoulder, put me into his wood panneled station wagon and made me bleed between my legs with his third leg (my favorite leg). i didnt tell roy any of this today when we met up, because i was not really responsive from the lines i did on the way there after the granny incident and because i was too busy waxing his butt crack while he ate me out to say much aside from “oooh yeaahhh rodriguez martinez, you’re my papi” and “this is better than when i was 12, oh oh! just like that…yeahhh”

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2005

12

Jan

I am – Drunken Interview with DJ AM

Born in 1973, this pimp hustled his way to LA where he took the club scene by storm. He was the DJ in CrazyTown, did work with Will Smith, and gets constant work playing events that you wish you were cool enough to attend, but you aren’t…

So you better read the interview – after the jump.

While AM (Born Adam Goldstein) seems to feel the love, he is in a relationship with the hottest little thing I ever did see (she’s mexican too) Nicole Richie. She is the daughter of Lionel Richie, Hello, is it me your lookin for? No! I was looking for my stepdaughter…

This man, AM, is a true hero, and I am not talking about donating to that Tsunami crisis, or the fact that he has a black baby, I am talking about the fact that he granted the drunkenstepfather with an email interview and giving us straight-up honest answers. He’s also a DJ, and everyone loves a DJ.

Bam, Here is AM

INTERVIEW REMOVED AT THE REQUEST OF LIONEL RICHIE

Posted in:stepINTERVIEW|Unsorted

2005

12

Jan

I am – Public Service Announcement

This is probaby the weirdest/saddest email that I have ever received. I decided to use this blog for some good and post this, because I never know who may be reading….You see the Drunken Stepfather isn’t all bad, when it comes to girls in need, I always do my best to deliver. When it comes to a girl who was in a natural disaster, who lost her parents and who doesn’t remember who she is, I try to use the power of the internet to spread the word…..so get up on this.

The email went a little something like this:

IMPORTANT!
SHE IS AT THE PHUKET HOSPITAL.
SHE DOES NOT REMEMBER ANYTHING.
SHE LOST HER PARENTS.
PLEASE FORWARD THIS E-MAIL, SOMEONE WHO MIGHT REALIZE WHO SHE IS.
THANK YOU.

There you go, so just email this around and be a hero you selfish bastard.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2005

12

Jan

I am – 8 Simple Rules

This show is so bias, it’s called 8 Simple Rules for Dating my Teenage daughter, well what about those of us who want to date our stepdaughters. You see, I think it is a hell of a lot more normal than you freaks who want tips in how to date your daughters. John Ritter, we know you aren’t dead, you’re in jail for incest.

The point of this post is that the girl who plays the better looking sister. Her name is Kayle Cuoco, and she went out and got drunk. When you are a celebrity, with drunk comes cocaine. Drinking is my favorite thing to do girl, we should hang out sometime….but who is that boy you’re with. Slut, just don’t throw up on these shoes.

More pics after the jump!





Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2005

12

Jan

I am – Trig’s Webcam: Ass, Lingerie and Titties

Father’s, I suggest that you do not buy your daughters digital cameras or webcams for their birthdays. They are always used for dirty things, not that I am really complaining, because there is nothing I like more that seeing a girl’s gallery of naked pics of some girl who went a little crazy with her camera. I don’t know if these were taken for a boyfriend, or an attempt to be sexy, but damn son, I dig em.

For Trig’s gallery of pics you better click this like HERE

UPDATE:

The links are down so everyone email jeff@j-maxx.net and demand the pics of TRIG.

UPDATE 2:

Its back: Google cache, bitches Here

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2005

12

Jan

I am – Trig's Webcam: Ass, Lingerie and Titties

Father’s, I suggest that you do not buy your daughters digital cameras or webcams for their birthdays. They are always used for dirty things, not that I am really complaining, because there is nothing I like more that seeing a girl’s gallery of naked pics of some girl who went a little crazy with her camera. I don’t know if these were taken for a boyfriend, or an attempt to be sexy, but damn son, I dig em.

For Trig’s gallery of pics you better click this like HERE

UPDATE:

The links are down so everyone email jeff@j-maxx.net and demand the pics of TRIG.

UPDATE 2:

Its back: Google cache, bitches Here

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2005

12

Jan

I am – Brad’s Famous Link Dump

The Stepfather asked me to post some of my links and since as his lawyer I charge him by the hour I couln’t say no. So without further ado.

10 Links after the jump

I wonder who named this
Silly Granny
Remember when Ester (Madonna) was a slut
Looking to rent a midget
Car Sex Advice
ART
Mideget Love NSW
My Toilet only cost $45
The Humiliator
I wouldn’t want to travel with him

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2005

12

Jan

I am – Brad's Famous Link Dump

The Stepfather asked me to post some of my links and since as his lawyer I charge him by the hour I couln’t say no. So without further ado.

10 Links after the jump

I wonder who named this
Silly Granny
Remember when Ester (Madonna) was a slut
Looking to rent a midget
Car Sex Advice
ART
Mideget Love NSW
My Toilet only cost $45
The Humiliator
I wouldn’t want to travel with him

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2005

11

Jan

I am – Restraint of the Day


This may not be an ongoing feature, but today it makes me happy calling it one. I have only been in restaints a handful of times in my life, and they were never for sex games, at least sex games I wanted to participate in. It is really always the people you least expect.

Authentic Mental Health Services Straight JacketDesigned to help safely control the most aggressive patient. Long-sleeved arms cross in front of patient before buckling in back. The pelvic strap effectively prevents patient from pulling jacket over the head. The jacket is heavy-duty, triple stitched reinforced canvas with stainless steel buckles and high-grade straps. Jacket has three back straps, one arm strap, and crotch strap.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2005

11

Jan

I am – Lohan’s Baby Daddy

Although I have never met Lohan in person, the possibility of me being the baby daddy is very high. Reality being that I have donated my sperm for the last 10 years on a bi-weekly basis. I never knew where it was being sent, so I could even be your father. Point of this post is that Lohan was not in the hospital for being exhausted or getting a breast reduction, she was in there having a baby. This is the reason for the weightloss. The baby’s name is Pablo Jose Valerderamma Lohan Martinez.

There aint no pics after the jump, but you can click it if you want big boy.

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