I was in an Indian run grocery store yesterday buying my wife some supplies to get her through the night, like cheap ice cream and a bag of chips. I was there with my stepdaughter who wanted to come along for the ride, even though it was more of a walk down the street. I started playing around in front of the hairy brown clerk by taking her obscure product line of native Indian food and rubbed it on my stepdaughter’s face, saying things like “you’re going to get an Indian disease” and “now you have Malaria” and “you’re going to turn the color of your mother’s shit she stained the toilet with earlier today” and “now you smell like curry” and after about 5 minutes of laughing at the crap this chick was selling, she pulled out a hammer and said to get the fuck out of her store before she attacked in her thick accent I couldn’t really take serious leading to me laughing more, until she got out from behind the counter and started to muscle me out. It turns out that she didn’t find laughing at her culture as funny as I did.

Now although Camila Alves is no Indian or Sri Lankan, she’s got the same sideburns as the lady who assaulted me last night and despite that hair little rat face, I find her hot enough to get pregnant, good job Matthew Mcconaughey, this bitch bounced back proper.

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