Lohan is turning 19, I guess that makes her damaged goods. I know fantasies are made of 18 year old celebrity cocaine addicts, at least mine are. I like to think they aren’t really fantasies, but let’s face it what would Lohan want a 35 year old, poor, overweight mexican canadian for…I used to always get girls who wanted to piss off their dads, it was a whole rebelious thing, well Lohan doesn’t really have a dad, he’s in jail, and she wrote him off, her new date is in powdered form..so my strategy just won’t work….anyway Lohan is on Letterman, so I figured why not do a liveblog, or at least try…I have never done this before, and probably never will but this is the reason we are the home of Lohan.
11:59 – Announcer is making North Korea Jokes – Not making me laugh
12:00 – Letterman says “we’ll be right back with Lohan, my balls tingle.
12:03 – Dave introduces Loha, she walks out showing leg that slag
12:04 – Dave says she’s gorgeous, she giggles pretending she’s shocked, come on Lohan we know you think you’re hot
12:05 – Lohan is talking about her sports history, rubs her nose, talks about a bubble, not my kind of bubble
Read More of this Garbage – After the Jump….
12:05 – Dave makes a french joke, Lohan rubs nose, Lohan says the word “sore”
12:05 – Lohan says she works out, by walking and lifting, Lohan rubs nose
12:05 – She’s so smiley, rubs nose, talks about cells, and being on trampoline with siblings
12:06 – Lohan talks about being 19 and declares she has no boyfriend
12:06 – Lohan is deep, she says we are all intitled to our own opinions, even me, thanks Lohan
12:07 – Lohan says she doesn’t eat
12:07 – Lohan says she hit puberty at 17, that means she’s only had pubic hair for 2 years, must have been a tough teenage life, being the only girl who didn’t bleed
12:08 – Lohan talks about the paparazzi, and offers to chase dave – rubs nose
12:08 – Lohan is in love, she’s been hiding it for 2 months, rubs nose
12:09 – Lohan works too much, Lohan doesn’t know if she has a boyfriend, Lohan rubs nose
12:10 – Lohan doesn’t know what to do when she sees 10 cars of paparazzi, it is endagering the people, by people she means herself, she is of course the only one in her (rubs nose) world
12:11 – Lohan is creeped out by people who smirk, but not by South American de-virginizers
12:11 – Lohan has bruises, make up does wonders, but doesn’t cover up the shit stains on her face
12:12 – Commericial break, we get to see a clip when they come back – I would be hard if I wasn’t impotent
12:17 – Lohan’s back, talking about some dude named Michael, let’s pretend by Michael she means Me….oh it’s clip time, fuck dude I can’t take the anticipation, I love shitty clips of shitty movies, Lohan Rubs her fucking nose again….jesus
12:18 – Lohan rubs nose before clip, oh – it’s not a real clip it’s a joke clip, we laugh and we laugh with Lohan, Dave’s so clever. Real clip comes on, I zone out….
12:19 – it’s over now we can go back to hating ourselves…. Lohan is happy her nipple didn’t fall out of her dress like it did on Leno
Conclusion, I hate live-blogging and will never do it again…..
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