I love Jessica Simpson. Not because she’s from the gutter of a trailer park in Texas, or because she can’t formulate a sentence, or because she let her dad molest her. It is because she looks good, even when she’s not rockin’ a bra. Most bitches with tits this big need to strap down just to keep their nipples from aimin to the ground. The other nice thing about Jessica is that she proved to the world that waiting until marriage to lose your virginity only ends in a divorce. You have to know what you’re getting yourself into before locking down…..that said, if you are reading this and you are a virgin, we will find someone to fuck you on the DrunkenStepfather.com Virgin No More Tour. I just came up with that concept, but I think it’s genius, especially considering 95% of my readers have never even held a girl’s hand, and the closest thing they had to a girlfriend was the fat Albino retarded slut with no fingernails in grade 6….and even that bitch dumped you.

Bonus – Her Wedding Thong:

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